Own your Happiness

Dandapani is a Hindu priest, speaker on self-development and an entrepreneur. He lived as a monk for 10 years and then moved to New York City to pass on his teachings to the West. He made a profound statement saying we shouldn’t pursue happiness. What we need to do is create a lifestyle where the bi-product is happiness. For example, when you spend time with people who energize you, you feel happy. On the contrast, when you spend time with people or on work that drains you, then naturally you will tend to feel miserable. 

For me, the first step in creating this lifestyle for yourself is to reflect on your calendar for the last month or 2 months. How many entries contained activities that energized you – projects, people, me time, personal development, hobbies, time with loved ones? This is an important question because how we schedule our days is how we spend our lives. If you aren’t appearing and showing up for yourself than the bi-product will be anxiety, resentment and stress.

If you suddenly realize that you don’t feature at all or you are constantly surrounded by energy vampires than you need to make a decision to make some serious changes. No one will give you the permission to put yourself into a dedicated slot into the calendar. The only way to achieve happiness is to become the architect of your life. Create the meaningful opportunities that results in special memories and experiences and surround yourself with supportive people.

Now consider your professional life – are there clients you need to contemplate firing because they give you more grief than its worth and you land up sacrificing your peace of mind and probably sleep more than you should?

Happiness is a choice, it is not something we can download.

Dandepani goes on to say that ‘the way to create the lifestyle you want is to firstly be clear on what you want.  People don’t know because they don’t spend time with themselves’.

Think about it- you will always make time for other people but never for yourself. If you want to get to know someone a bit better, you reach out to them and invite them to coffee. In the same way, you need to make time daily to check in with yourself. I recently did a PechaKucha talk (20 slides for 20 seconds format) talk on the art and science of journaling. This is a brilliant way to check in and really dive deep down into the areas of ourselves we tend to avoid. For example, refocus on your goals, values, pain points, challenges and what ideally you want for yourself. Meditation is another incredible tool to turn inwards.

We get caught up in the day to day grind and don’t even think twice about checking in. I ended my talk by saying that just 15 minutes a day of focused attention is the path to creating a lifelong friendship with yourself.

I know you are thinking that you can’t possibly make time for this but 15 minutes of focused attention on yourself will give you greater clarity on where to spend your valuable time and energy. The ROI is invaluable.

Dandepani stresses that walking your dog or going for a jog does not constitute alone time because half the time you are thinking about something job related or a personal problem. Now it’s a great way to work through something mentally but doesn’t provide the environment for deeper introspection.

Spending time with yourself is sitting down with yourself and having a conversation the same way you would someone else. Because when you don’t know what you want, you can’t focus the finite amount of energy you have and you don’t live a lifestyle that brings happiness.

Having clarity on what you want helps you make progress on where you are going. If I asked you to sit down and visualize your ideal work situation – something that would really excite you, could you do it now? Visualization is about seeing the ideal picture in your mind fuelled with a positive emotion behind it. For example, could it be winning a huge pitch on a client you have wanted for ages? Would it be taking your family on a lovely holiday? The power of visualization only works when we know what we want. Naturally, this picture will change but the starting point of knowing is crucial. 

Take charge of your calendar today to create the lifestyle you want where the ultimate reward is choosing happiness.

Here’s to owning your happiness,

Warm wishes

Lori