Own Your Self-Discipline
I had the honour of doing a TEDx talk in December 2018. The key insight from the talk was that it’s not enough to schedule yourself into the calendar. Think about it, the key lies in showing up to yourself. If you scheduled a run at 6:30am and you don’t actually show up to yourself and go for the run, you are never going to make progress on your goals. Be it health, finance, fitness, personal or professional goals. This ‘one time’ of not getting up sparks a negative spiral for the rest of your day. You procrastinate on tasks, you ditch the whole day and give into the Krispy Kream donut and then the self-loathing begins. The reason a ‘one time’ incident can be so destructive is because you broke the agreement with yourself. You never showed up to yourself - it sends a message that you aren’t worth it. Think about it - would you ever just not arrive at a scheduled coffee with a friend or work colleague?In one of my masterclasses, I showed a very provoking video where actor Will Smith speaks about the concept of self-discipline in a very unique way:SELF-DISCIPLINE = SELF-LOVE.It’s about saying ‘I love you too much to sleep in and not go for that run’. ‘I love you too much to let you go to that huge party when you are writing an exam the next day’. He also speaks about the concept of discipline having such a negative connotation. People perceive self-discipline as a punishment but in fact discipline is freedom. That is my mantra I took from author Gretchen Rubin. It prevents decision making fatigue, wasted energy on the internal argument of whether to train that day or what to have for lunch. It’s in my diary and I go – even when I don’t I feel like it. When my alarm goes off at 4:50 - I get up and move quickly before my mind starts to argue with me. You literally have 5 seconds to move before your mind convinces you that the snooze button is a better option.Speaking about self-love feels selfish, it’s a very uncomfortable concept for most people. It feels indulgent, arrogant and vain.I was listening to an audio book by Pema Chodrin, a Buddhist nun who spoke about a concept of unconditional friendliness towards oneself. The Sanskrit word is Maitri. This was what I was searching for - how to create a safe space for people to start to make better decisions in their own best interest. A way to justify changing behaviours and enabling people to let go of old destructive patterns.So - what if you replace the concept of unconditional self-love with an unconditional friendliness towards yourself. The stakes are lower, it’s not as selfish, not as daunting. Not as scary.Think about your best friend or that person in your life who is your rock. You can call them at 3am and they will be there for you no matter what. What are the traits you respect in them when you think about them? For me, the traits that come to mind are non judgement, kindness, unconditional love, honesty and they have my best interest at heart.So now flip it - can you adopt these actions towards yourself? Once you can make this transition in your mind - you are on the path to taking action on the things that matter most to you.Essentially it begins with choosing yourself and choosing a path of unconditional friendliness towards yourself.It means letting yourself rest when you are sick, allowing yourself to set a quitting time and unwind after a hard day, scheduling some quality self-care for yourself with no guilt. In short - start to make better decisions that are in your best interest. Maybe it’s time to stop drinking during the week, stop procrastinating on writing that book that has been in your head for ages or start taking your health more seriously.I had the privilege of hearing transformational coach, Lisa Nichols speak in South Africa recently. She said something so profound:
Now ask yourself - what patterns and habits do I need to let go of or start implementing to become that person. Get comfortable with the concept of embracing an unconditional friendliness towards yourself and give yourself permission to start moving forward one micro decision at a time.Here’s to discovering your own best friend,Warm wishesLori