The Power of the Pause
The most important 5 letter word that has emerged over and over in many different forms this last few weeks for me has been the simple word - PAUSE.As Peter Bregman, author of 'Four Seconds' says 'The key to success in our fast-moving world is to pause for as few as four seconds - the length of a deep breath - to replace bad habits and reactions with more productive behaviours.'This is critically important when dealing with conflict or courageous conversations. It is about pressing the mental pause button and reacting to the outcome and not to the event. In other words, if someone says something that triggers a response in you, take a breathe, pause and ask yourself what you want to be known for an then react to that. Just as standing up straight and taking up space is a power move, so is taking the time to pause and think through something.Always keep in mind that between a request and a response there lies a pause - you don't have to answer immediately. From this pause emerges an understanding of how to respond, rather than react.So how do we do this? In the moment, it's really challenging to stop the default setting in us...William Ury, author of 'Getting to Yes with Yourself' provides a great strategy to dealing with these triggers and emotions. He says we need to go to our own private mental 'balcony'. The balcony is a metaphor for a mental and emotional place of perspective, calm, and self-control.This is the point: whenever you feel yourself triggered by a passing thought, emotion, or sensation, you have a simple choice: to identify or get identified. You can observe the thought and "identify" it. Or you can let yourself get caught up in the thought, in other words, "get identified".Ury says 'Imagine sitting at a kitchen table. As each familiar thought or emotion such as anxiety or fear, shame or pride shows up, I offer it an imaginary seat. I have learned to welcome all customers, no one excluded. I seek to treat them as the old friends or acquaintances that they are. As the kitchen table fills up, I listen to the free flowing conversation of feelings and thoughts because naming them neutralizes their effect on you and helps you to maintain your state of balance and calm. As soon as you name the character in the play, you distance yourself from him or her.This simple practice of putting a little space around our thoughts and emotions enables us to experience them with a detachment that frees us from the compulsion to act them out.This is incredibly useful for those of you with kids when exhaustion hits us in the last few hours of the bedtime routine and we are at our most vulnerable. Simply pause. Stop the default nagging and look for new tools in the toolbox. I found some amazing ones from this book - How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will talk. Check it out hereAnother great use of a pause is before a challenging phone call or meeting, I find benefit in taking even a single minute of silence to myself. One minute alone with my eyes closed helps me to observe my thoughts, feelings, and sensations and to quiet my mind so I can focus better in the conversation. It is an easy technique available to us at any time.
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."- Mark Twain
I am so passionate about the PAUSE that I created this as my wallpaper so I can be reminded of it all day:
So I challenge you to create your wallpaper word to help you become the best version of yourself. Please share it with me at lori@beyondthedress.co.za or on FacebookHere’s to owning pause,Warm wishes,Lori