How to Lead Yourself Through Uncertainty and Change.
When our sense of certainty has been removed, it feels almost impossible to focus on anything else.
Perhaps you heard troubling news about your health and had to wait for results, or you're waiting to hear about a new job you've applied for.
Maybe you've started something new and feel out of sorts because your imposter syndrome is acting up, and you're leaking self-doubt and low confidence.
Whatever it is, whether you are experiencing uncertainty now or it's on the way, here are some things to remember to move through it with grace:
Attitude is everything.
There are two kinds of people: those who expect the worst and those who expect the best. It's rare to find people in between.
Fortunately, I practice what I preach and live by the mantra from the 13th poet Rumi – "Live life as though everything is rigged in your favour." It's that feeling that the universe has my back instead of waiting for everything that could go wrong.
It's not a choice you make once, and it's locked in. It is a decision you need to remind yourself of daily. Imagine your attitude like an old-fashioned radio tuner; you must constantly adjust the tuner to avoid losing the signal.
Your mind is wired for protection and to keep you out of danger. It will naturally want to go to the worst-case scenario, but you must constantly tune into the station of expect the best. Otherwise, you will not find the lessons in the situation and the opportunity to grow.
Author Anne Lamott says, 'My mind is like a bad neighbourhood; I try not to go there alone'. If you don't carefully watch your thoughts, your mind can become a dumping ground of negativity and fear.
Rather than put yourself through unnecessary anguish before you know the outcome, ask yourself, 'Do I have all the information right now to make a decision?". You probably do not.
How often have you worried about a situation for days or weeks and the dread you anticipated never materialised? You put yourself through a period of unnecessary stress, worry and fear because you created a story in your mind.
Rather, expect the best, and THEN, if life isn't rigged in your favour, you can decide how you want to proceed.
Choose faith over fear.
You get to make two choices when facing uncertainty: fear or faith. Guess what – both are intangible, but one leads to serenity and hope, and one leads to despair.
Faith is a belief in something greater that gives me the courage to believe things happen for a reason, even if I cannot explain it. Faith provides the trust that life is happening for me and not to me, and whatever the outcome is will favour my growth and journey.
I don't have to understand the why if I have faith.
There is nothing wrong with experiencing fear, but it cannot be your emotional home to get you through uncertainty. If it is, it's going to be a pretty unpleasant journey.
When faith is your emotional home, you can move into a different kind of certainty, providing inner strength, hope and acceptance.
If you cannot resonate with faith, how about finding certainty and strength in yourself? That unwavering belief in your abilities to always make a plan and figure things out.
Self-remembering is key.
When you face a challenge or stress, it's easy to move into self-forgetting mode and convince yourself you don't have time to exercise, journal, socialise, meditate or read.
When you can't find certainty in the external, you must insert a ritual for certainty.
How do you start your day? If you check your phone first, you are triggered into a reactive mode and will make no time for yourself. Insert yourself into the calendar first, even if it's for fifteen minutes, but you decide how to start your day. If you are not triggering yourself, everyone else will.
When you feel uncertain and have no control over the external – take charge of your self-care. This is the time for self-nourishing and kindness because how can you show up powerfully for others and yourself if your energy is on fumes?
Drop the barriers to joy: soften your rules.
Uncertainty creates a sense of losing control over the situation. When we feel out of control, we tighten our rules to give us a false sense of control.
I fall into this trap with rules around my kid's bedtime and screens. I've learnt that too much structure and rules can remove the fun and lightness.
I would be lying if I said I tossed out the structure because I believe kids need boundaries, especially around sleep and screen time. Still, I did soften my rules because if I continued on the militant path, I would lose a special connection with them long-term.
Rather than focus on losing control over their bedtime, I am gaining connection and a peaceful, happy household.
What rules do you have that prevent joy?
To bring back joy in times of uncertainty, it's less about introducing new things but applying a softening of the rules around how we want things done or what we expect others to do.
Do your preferences create connection or fuel disconnection?
If you like to wake up early, do you become militant with your evening routine?
Do you avoid social arrangements for fear of being tired?
In my case, I remind myself, if they go to bed fifteen minutes later, does it really make a difference? This small shift lets me relax with them rather than focus on the fact that it's past their bedtime.
Where are you placing rules or expectations on others or yourself that contract you?
Where can you apply a softening for a kinder and gentler way of life?
Ask yourself what you value more – the rules or connection. The rules or peace?
Final thoughts.
Uncertainty and change are a feature of life, not a bug. When it shows up, live life as though it's rigged in your favour and tune into faith over fear.
Move into self-remembering mode and insert yourself into the calendar no matter how stressed you feel. Self-care is self-leadership; when you make space for yourself, you can achieve more, not less.
Despite your uncertainty, how can you live with more joy and gratitude just because you choose to? You don’t need to create a reason to feel joy; just don’t block it out.
Here's to life's gifts and the lessons should we choose to listen,
Warm wishes,
Lori