Not All Problems Are Created Equal.
Think back to your last holiday; despite the excitement, did you find yourself stressing about it? Were you worried about the packing, the endless list of supplies to organise, and how you will complete your work before leaving?
I caught myself in this anxious spiral when preparing for an upcoming trip. I smiled to myself and named this kind of problem a champagne problem. If I’m honest about it, it’s a great problem to have.
Another example is chatting to a friend about juggling my work commitments with my kids extra mural activities. Navigating these additional lifts is a real challenge for me, but it is a champagne problem. In both examples, I have immense gratitude for getting away and allowing my kids the opportunity to explore their interests.
Generally, you can always solve champagne problems by tapping into your existing resources and applying essential time management and planning skills around them.
Then there are other problems that don’t fall into this luxury category; they are genuinely tough challenges and none you would ever willingly wish on yourself — for example, a family member who is ill, a sudden retrenchment or an unexpected expense.
Whether you have a champagne problem or a challenging problem, the way you experience it will determine your level of resilience and how you navigate it. As much as you want to exert control over your world, the truth is you can’t control anything external. All you have dominion over is how you navigate your inner world.
You may have the most exceptional plan in place, but life happens and has a very different idea of how it wants things to go. You cannot control what happens, but you can always control your attitude, the meaning you give to a situation and your language to describe it.
Although you may not be able to change the circumstances, you can choose to approach it from a place of strength and courage rather than defeat with these tools:
Own your attitude.
Your attitude is the lens through which you view the world. You can decide to have an attitude of self-motivation or self-defeat. When faced with a challenge, the attitude you show up with will directly determine how you approach it.
Instead of feeling like a victim of challenge, how about changing your attitude to become a student of challenge?
How can you adopt a lens that will enable you to create significance out of suffering? You cannot change the external situation, but you can decide the meaning you give it. Here are some questions you can use to help change your view:
• What values is this situation reminding me of?
• How can I transform this meaning as fuel?
• How can I grow from this?
• What information is the event revealing to me?
• What new ideas, questions, or values am I now exploring because of that?
• How is life happening for me and not to me?
• How can I think about this challenge in a new way?
When you can find the meaning in a challenging situation, you can use that as fuel to move through it.
Redirect your self talk.
The conversations you have with yourself are the most important ones you will ever have, especially during hard-hitting times.
I don’t know about you, but when I find myself in a low place, the inner critic and tough love approach don’t inspire me to action. Reaching out to my inner coach and adopting a learning mindset has catapulted me back into the game quicker. I ask myself questions such as:
Knowing what I know now, how would I approach this differently today?
What is this here to teach me?
Where have I experienced a similar situation before?
What resources can I tap into to help me through this?
Maybe you haven’t experienced this identical problem in the past, but you have faced the challenge and overcome it. You have built up a toolkit over time that is always available to you.
Cultivate relationships.
Drop the mindset that vulnerability is weakness. People often feel that they will be perceived as weak if they admit to going through a complicated situation.
The truth is that your feelings of helplessness take over when you are alone. Sharing a situation with a trusted friend allows them to give you perspective and a different lens you can’t see when you are in it.
Developing relationships is not about having hundreds of friends on Facebook but instead cultivating a few close relationships. How many birthday notifications pop up each day on your social media feed, and you have no idea who the person is?
Think about someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and reach out to them. Send a WhatsApp or call them to connect. Perhaps you have a close friend who has been in radio silence for too long. Do they need you to reach out to them?
Embrace the power of reflection.
Author Benjamin Hardy speaks about the difference between someone who claims to have 20 years of experience versus someone who repeats the same year 20 times.
If you do not incorporate the lessons adversity has taught you, you will continue to make the same errors and not grow. You are not becoming a better version of yourself; you are simply hitting the same speed bumps repeatedly without a new strategy to improve.
Reflection is not a passive activity; it is a conscious choice. Journaling is a powerful tool to unpack the experiences of the past and the lessons learnt along the journey. When you can attach a new meaning to the situation, you can reframe your past as something positive that happened for you and not to you.
No matter how devastating your past may feel to you, can you find a positive meaning? How did that situation prepare you for what you are currently facing or will face in the future? How did that situation build your empathy or self-compassion?
Knowing you could overcome setbacks in the past will strengthen your resilience to tackle anything life presents to you with confidence because you have a proven track record.
Choose your words.
Don’t underestimate the power of language and the way it affects your physiology. The words you use to describe something will change the meaning you give it.
Let’s imagine someone said ‘you must be mistaken’ because you got your facts wrong. Now, what if they called you a liar? Suddenly your entire character is being attacked. Your body language will shift into a more rigid and angry state. Only one word changed the entire meaning of the statement.
Let’s apply the same principle to a problem. If you call it a nightmare, insurmountable or terrifying, then your whole physiology will change. You will trigger a stress state and boost your cortisol and adrenaline levels.
What if you used words like ‘this is happening for me, I know there is a lesson here, I know I can get through this because I always find a way’.
Of course, you will still experience stress about the situation, but you always have a choice of how you can respond.
Remember that constant use of inappropriate language will keep you stuck in this anxious and defeated state rather than bring yourself to a more calm and resourceful space where you will make better decisions.
Final thoughts.
You are entitled to your champagne problems because life doesn’t always have to be about hardship. Rather than approach the situation with aggravation, shift your perspective and approach it with gratitude.
Whether you are dealing with a tough challenge or a champagne problem, remember that you always have control over the meaning you give to the situation.
By taking charge of your perspective, you will navigate the situation with resilience and remain in control of your inner world despite the external circumstances.
Here’s to building your resilience toolkit.
Warm wishes
Lori
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