10 Simple Habits to Own Your Headspace.

When it comes to your physical health, you know it's not one thing you have to do to get in shape. You can do the walk, but you need to eat correctly, drink water and get sufficient sleep, and that's just in one day!

To sustain it, you must repeat this consistently and make it part of your identity.

It's the same with mental health. It's a series of rituals repeated daily and consistently to create and maintain a happy and strong headspace.

With every good intention to get into shape, no one can do your sit-ups for you; it's about taking ownership of your energy, especially on the days you don't feel like it.

How can you own your headspace and no longer allow the external world to decide how you will feel today? Here are some thoughts on how to take charge of your mental health even when you don't feel like it:

1.   Accept yourself where you are now.

Most of us are incredibly conditional when it comes to accepting ourselves. 'When I lose the weight, then I will be happy with myself' or 'When I get that title, then I'll be enough'.

You need to see unconditional self-acceptance and friendliness as the passport to your goals. You cannot start the journey without it. Unconditional self-acceptance is precisely that – no conditions attached.

When you are unconditionally friendly, you aren't tolerating yourself.

Can you accept yourself as you are right now? You are much better equipped for the journey to your best self from this place because you can adopt a learning mindset rather than a self-critical one when you hit a roadblock.

2.   Do it your way.

Most anxiety and self-doubt are triggered by believing there is a specific way things 'should' be done. If you've been procrastinating on that presentation or document, this may be something you haven't considered.

What if you can begin to trust yourself and do it your way? If there are detailed guidelines that you must adhere to, by all means, do that. When those criteria are ticked, ask yourself how you can approach this as your authentic self, not your perfect self.

When you bring your unique flavour to your work, you will begin to operate from a place of authenticity and confidence because you can never try to be someone else well. It's exhausting and unsustainable.

3.   Make time for things that matter to you.

When working with high performers, there is a typical pattern that on paper, everything appears excellent, yet something intangible is still missing.

When I dig a little deeper, they neglect the part of themselves that houses their creativity. They may tick the boxes on sleep and exercise, but the activity that energises them from the inside out is nowhere to be found except on a holiday if they allow themselves that time.

Are you depriving yourself of your favourite hobbies like painting, baking, photography, martial arts, cycling, scrapbooking, Lego, and dancing?

When you can schedule time into the calendar for yourself on something unrelated to work, this is how you bring out your whole self.

Forget thinking that it's a waste of time. How can you instead create weeks and weekends you look forward to? Even as little as fifteen minutes of this activity is what ignites your soul and brings you back to your authentic self.

4.   Play.

I have to be honest; this one is in here because it's a reminder to myself not to take life so seriously.

Let them teach you to play and find joy in the little things if you have kids. Laugh and giggle and be silly for no reason.

Being the A-type, I like a plan and am comfortable when there's a game and a plan. My kids have taught me to find joy in chasing them in the garden, playing with dolls or building boats out of boxes.

In other words, they have taught me that there doesn't have to be a reason to have fun; you can choose to bring fun into any situation.

How can you bring more spontaneous laughter to your day? Bring out board games and connect to people who energise you.

When approaching tasks and the fear of failure shows up, ask yourself, 'How can I make this more successful than I ever dreamed and have fun doing it?'. The energy you bring to your days and activities is as vital as the actions you take.

5.   Connect to your future self

If you find yourself swaying on the edges of sadness, despair or apathy, it may be because you don't have a compelling future vision.

Where do you want to be in five years? Where are you ultimately heading, even if you don't know how to get there?

You need a courageous and exciting future to have a more compelling present. As you face challenges and setbacks, you can remind yourself that this is a speed bump on the road to your ultimate destination.

Life is not about balance but choices. Every choice you make today is either a cost or an investment to your future self.

To develop mastery in your field, what habits do you need to start today to get you there? This connection to your future creates meaning for your present-day choices; otherwise, it feels out of context or a waste of time.

Journal about your perfect day two years from today. What can you start to do differently now? Having a bigger future gives you back a more exciting present.

6.   Focus on intentions rather than goals.

In Wayne Dyer's book, The Power of Intention, he proposes setting an intention for what you want to create.

You could say my intention is to become the best in the country at what I do or to have closer connections and meaningful relationships with my partner and kids.

Setting your intention creates an automatic pathway to your end destination, but it's less rigid and open to more possibilities of how to get there.

Sometimes the word goal makes the end destination concrete with no deviation for detours along the way.

I'm all for goal setting, and I journal a few times a week on what I want to achieve to stay connected to them. I have found that using the word intention minimises the pressure of achieving it a certain way or knowing how to.

I intend to master my craft and achieve specific milestones, but I am not attached to exactly how I will get there. I follow the breadcrumbs and show up to the opportunities that present themselves.

When you try to control every detail to get to the outcome, anxiety shows up in full force because the reality is that you can control taking action one micro win at a time and focusing on the process.

7.   Ask for help.

Are you comfortable asking for help? I find this has been one of my client's leading contributors to stress and anxiety.

There is often a belief that asking for help is a weakness, or you have assumed that this person is busy, or you fear that you may come across as a burden.

What if instead of assuming no one can help you, you open yourself to the possibility that they would love to? Be aware that you are making a decision for them rather than allowing this person the opportunity to make their own choice.

Asking for help is not a weakness. If someone requests your help, do you judge them, or are you happy to be able to be of service and a contribution?

It's the same with you; they don't judge you either. Owing your headspace is not only about asking for help but being able to accept it. Remember to give others the chance to reciprocate.

8.   See your day in micro choices.

A lot of anxiety and stress come from all-or-nothing thinking. It's the belief that one poor choice will destroy your goal, or now you have to start at the beginning.

What if a poor choice was simply that? One average decision out of hundreds to follow.

You always get to make the next choice a better one; that choice might be five minutes or two weeks from now.

If you lose your temper at someone you love, you can choose to go back and apologise. You can choose peace over being right and make amends.

When you hit snooze and ditch your walk or go for the doughnut at the office in a moment of weakness, forgive yourself and make the next choice a big glass of water.

You take your power back when you see your day in micro-choices because this is the only thing in your control.

Remember, you can always behave your way back into trust. That goes for other people as well as yourself.

9.   Manage your focus.

If you imagine holding a flashlight and whatever you choose to illuminate comes into your awareness.

When you wake up, where do you place your flashlight? Do you focus on how much you have to do that day? Do you focus on how you're dreading this meeting or that presentation?

Or do you focus on gratitude and what you look forward to that day?

Can you train yourself to focus on what you have and what's good in your life? When a challenge shows up, can you focus on what you have to learn and how you can grow rather than how life is punishing you?

What you focus on, you feel. If you focus on hopelessness, you will feel it. If you focus on what's joyful in your life, you will feel it.

What if you don't need a reason to feel happy? You choose to shine your flashlight there because you can?

10. Place value on all your roles.

When you can embrace all your roles as worthy and equal, you will begin to experience a better headspace.

This allows the rest of your life to be 'on the way' and not 'in the way'. When you don't value your role as a parent or child, your personal life becomes a distraction to your 'real job' when this is the actual job.

When you can place value on everything you're doing, you can give yourself space for whatever is required. On the weekend, I used to feel resentful when everyone in the house was relaxing and enjoying their downtime while I was packing the dishwasher for the second time that day and trying to keep the house looking presentable.

Rather than being resentful, I reminded myself that this is part of the role of being a wife and mom. I can choose to begrudge it or choose to find meaning in the mundane.

I got to choose in that moment to place value on the contribution I was making to my family, which shifted my whole headspace.

Final thoughts.

The secret to getting in shape is that there is no secret. There are no such things as quick fixes or hacks because these are not sustainable. It's all about consistency in movement, nutrition, hydration and sleep.

Like your mental health, there are no hacks but daily adopting consistent practices and habits. Author Anne Lamott said, 'My mind is a bad neighbourhood; I try not to go there alone'. Remember these tools to take with you:

·      Accept yourself where you are now.

·      Do it your way.

·      Make time for things that matter to you.

·      Play.

·      Connect to your future self

·      Focus on intentions rather than goals.

·      Ask for help.

·      See your day in micro choices.

·      Manage your focus.

·      Place value on all your roles.

Here's to owning your headspace.

Warm wishes

Lori