7 Gentle Reminders When Life Doesn’t Go According to Your Plan.
As a coach and trainer, the most common advice I share is the importance and power of planning.
However, there are times in life when your perfectly curated plan goes out of the window because life has other plans in store for you.
This has been one of those periods for me. Disrupted schedules and a game of musical Covid in my family has created much disorder. During this time, I collected seven important truths and reminded myself of them daily, which helped me navigate this tricky period more easily.
Control is an illusion at the best of times because the truth is you have zero control over the external world. Even though you know this, it's not fun when you feel like your entire world is rocking beneath you.
When those situations arise, and you feel like the back seat driver of your life, remember these simple truths:
Nothing is permanent.
When life happens, it can feel like it's going to be this way forever. When my kids were little and going through phases like the terrible two's, it felt like it would never end. No matter how many people told me it's a phase, and it will pass, I never believed it. It didn't change the fact that the tantrums were there.
Now that my kids are 7 and 9, I can fully appreciate the truth of that statement.
It's the same with any challenge you face now. It will shift despite how out of control you feel or how much pain you feel. The belief that the situation is permanent prevents you from seeing the gift in it.
It's easier said than done but having a deep-seated trust that it will change makes any situation easier to endure. You just need to catch yourself in your dark moments and remind yourself of this truth.
Rather than focus on what is lacking or what you don't have control over, shift into a learning mindset.
True growth happens in times of adversity. Rather than feeling resentful, question where you can learn here and what lesson this situation presents. Here are some questions you can use to turn suffering into significance:
• What values was it trying to remind you of?
• What is this here to teach you?
• How can you grow from this?
• What information is the event revealing to you?
• What did you not understand that you now understand?
• What new ideas, questions, or values are you now exploring that?
• Why is it happening right now?
• How is life happening for you and not to you?
• How can you think about this challenge in a new way?
• How can you transform meaning as fuel?
Above all, remember this too shall pass.
Do what you can.
This may sound too simplistic, but there is much truth to it. When times are challenging and your usual routine and time is chunked down dramatically, be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day.
Avoid having impractical expectations of yourself – you cannot do it all in one day. Get specific and hone into your top priorities. What is the most important thing to do today? I know it feels like you need to do it all, but you need to pay attention to what you can ignore. The truth is that most things can wait.
In the wise words of Steve Jobs, "People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully."
Be kind to yourself and just do the best you can with the resources and information available to you at the time.
Use your evening to set you up for success.
Your morning routine begins the night before. Before going to sleep, consider what you can do to set yourself up for success the following day. Thinking ahead can be as simple as getting lunch boxes out, leaving out your exercise kit, having your journal out, or accessing your app's user name and password.
Set yourself up the night before, whether you have 10 or 60 minutes available in the morning. Ten minutes of planning can save you hours in the long run.
Make time for yourself.
Despite whatever you are facing, you can always choose to make time for yourself. This me-time can be as little as ten minutes a day but don't neglect yourself or fall to the bottom of your to-do list.
When you make time to recover, move, journal, paint – whatever you need – you are better equipped to handle whatever challenge you face.
No one else is coming to energise you; this is an inside out process. Making more space for yourself allows you to achieve more, not less.
Use your breath to ground you.
When it feels like you have lost control over your world, remember you always have control of your breath. Something as simple as taking ten deep belly breaths can make the difference between reacting from a place of calm confidence or stress and overwhelm.
Box breathing is a simple practice that helps your body relax – it is inhaling for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4, exhaling for a count of 4 and holding for a count of 4.
Remember this simple practice when you next feel yourself getting frustrated in traffic, a meeting or with your kids. The sooner you can bring your awareness to your breath, the more control you have over your inner world.
Develop your empathy muscle.
There is often a lesson in humility hidden beneath your challenge; perhaps you judged someone for not performing at your level or made assumptions about them without all the facts?
When life doesn't go according to your plan, ask yourself how you can use this situation to build your empathy muscle?
· What are you experiencing now that you never understood before?
· How can this situation enable you to connect more easily to others?
· How can you make your mess your message?
· How can you use your experience to be a support to others?
Move into acceptance.
When life happens, and you face unexpected difficulties, the sooner you accept your new situation, the better. I know this is easier said than done but resisting the situation will not improve it.
It's not what happens to us but what we choose to do with what happens to us.
How do you know you are resisting? Your vocabulary is peppered with words like should and ought to.
This shouldn't be happening! I should be here by now! This is not how things ought to be!
It's exhausting and will only leave you in an energy deficit. Surrender is the way forward.
Surrender is not passive. It's surrendering that what you want is not always what you need. It's accepting that although this is not how you would choose things, this is how they are.
The ultimate passport to acceptance is faith. You cannot travel the journey without it.
Think back to a previous situation where you felt like your world was crumbling beneath you at the time. Now fast forward a year with the gift of hindsight. Was this a curse, or was it a blessing in disguise?
Perhaps a relationship ended, but you met someone amazing? Perhaps you had to leave your job but discovered something even better? The point is that in the time of challenge, it felt insurmountable. With hindsight, you gain perspective and clarity.
Can you bring in a deep-seated faith that this challenge is happening for you? My favourite quote that I live my life by is Rumi's "Live life as if everything is rigged in your favour".
I trust that the universe has my back, even if I don't understand it now. Knowing life is rigged in my favour enables me to look for the gift and the lessons and how I can grow from it.
I don't have to like the situation but I know that it belongs.
The ultimate tool.
I still stand by my advice that planning, identifying priorities and scheduling your days is paramount.
However, I have a 'break in case of emergency' toolkit that I can smash open when life laughs at my perfect plan.
Nothing is permanent.
Do what you can.
Use your evening to set you up for success.
Make time for yourself.
Use your breath to ground you.
Develop your empathy muscle.
Move into acceptance.
Choose the tool that works best for you and keep it close when the challenge shows up. It doesn't change the situation, but you will navigate it with kindness towards yourself which is the ultimate tool to conquer anything.
Here's to planning,
Warm wishes
Lori