Here's What You Don't Know About EQ That Could Build Your Personal Brand.

Personal branding is not something you do; it is who you are. When it comes to creating a personal brand, we tend to get obsessed with image, our Social Media profiles or how intelligent we sound.

The reality is that your brand is built in the daily interactions with people you engage with, whether it is in your personal or professional life. Even more crucial is that your brand is not built upon what you say about yourself but what others say about you.

This is why developing your Emotionally Intelligence (EQ) is so critical. Simply put, emotional intelligence is being aware of your emotions and their impact on yourself and those around you.

The more emotionally intelligent you are, the more powerful your personal brand becomes. Consider the traits of a high EQ vs a low EQ person:

In your day to day world, these are the traits that will improve the quality of your relationships. As Tony Robbins says, ‘the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships’.

Enough said. Here are my top five habits that will develop your EQ and boost your personal and professional brand:

React to the outcome, not the event.

Conflict is never comfortable, but how you navigate these challenging situations can be the difference between damaging your brand and elevating it. The golden rule is to react to the outcome, not to the event.

Before a courageous conversation, set your intention and be honest about what you want the outcome to be. Do you want to be right? Do you want to assert your dominance? Or do you want to be able to work with this person in the future without any awkwardness or hostility?

I am hoping you chose the latter. When this is your desired outcome, you can approach the conversation differently. Ask yourself — is delivering this message consistent with my desired reputation?

I’m not saying avoid conflict but approach it with the end outcome in mind. Choose your words carefully with an attitude of genuine empathy and curiosity.

Empathy is about an inside out approach, looking at the situation through their eyes, using their words and points of view. It is not about imposing your view of the world on everyone else.

You don’t need to agree with them, but you do need to make an effort to understand their logic. Once you can do this, the conversation can move forward because they feel understood, and this goes a long way to elevating how you show up in their mind. 

Develop self-awareness.

Self-awareness is precisely that. How self-aware are you of your strengths, weakness and blind spots? Self-awareness is tuning into the voice in your head — are you tuning into the frequency of the inner critic or the inner cheerleader?

Research shows we have between 12 000 and 60 000 thoughts per day, but 80% of these thoughts are negative — battling guilt, comparing ourselves to others and a constant sense we should be further than we are.

These sabotaging thoughts tend to get recycled daily. If you are not aware of the mental chatter, it becomes incredibly self-destructive and begins to erode your self-confidence in the process.

Self-awareness is crucial to interpersonal communication. Are you aware when something triggers you emotionally? When you can tune into your body wisdom and realise your jaw is clenched, your stomach is in a knot, or your throat feels like it is closing, this is your early warning system for managing emotions like irritation.

The simple act of naming the emotion like anger, frustration, or anxiety releases its power over you. It shifts the circuitry in your brain from the limbic brain — the irrational side of your brain to the pre-frontal cortex, where your rational decision making can take over.

Self-awareness enables you to approach a conversation from a place of neutrality where you can focus on facts and speak from a place of assertiveness rather than aggression.

Replace assumption with curiosity.

“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real”. — Miguel Ruiz

This habit is highly relevant to remote work. Let’s say you have noticed an inconsistency with one of your team member’s performance. Your default is to assume that they must be watching Netflix all day.

This assumption has become your truth, and your irritation levels are growing, which borders into passive-aggressive behaviour.

Rather than assume a performance problem or lack of care, how about replacing assumption with the habit of curiosity?

“We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions”. — Miguel Angel Ruiz

Take the time to check in and ask, ‘how are YOU?’ You will probably find they are looking after ill family members or are on the brink of burnout. Once you have all the facts, you can begin a conversation from a place of understanding and empathy.

When you find yourself making assumptions, remind yourself that everyone is living a story you know nothing about.

When someone can feel your genuine concern, it changes the dynamics of the relationship, and they begin to associate you with traits like compassion, humility and integrity.

Insert a mental pause button.

Have you ever received a rude email or WhatsApp, and without thinking, you launched into a counter-attack? I’m pretty sure it didn’t have a happy ending, and even worse, that message is still floating in cyberspace, never to be forgotten.

The truth is, when you place decision making in the hands of your emotions, you will always say something you regret. This one seemingly small act can sabotage your personal brand and reputation in a matter of minutes.

When triggered, especially with virtual communications, insert a mental pause button by taking a deep breath. This space between stimulus and response is where you get to choose how you want to show up.

It is the difference between reacting on autopilot or responding with careful and deliberate consideration. Sometimes it can feel like slowing down is a sign of weakness, but it is the opposite. Just as taking up space is a power move with your body language, so is slowing down your decision making in high-pressure moments.

Always remember that emotions are fleeting, and they shouldn’t be the foundation of your decision-making.

Another way to insert a mental pause button is by asking yourself a question:

Will this still matter in three months or ten years from now?

If something or someone triggers you, give yourself the gift of perspective. You may feel intense and heated in the moment, but if you take a step back and project yourself into the future — will this matter?

It may feel like you have to prove your point, but in the long run, will it take you down the path of securing this relationship or damaging it?

Most of the time, you land up regretting the things you said rather than the things you didn’t.

Master the art of feedback.

Ken Blanchard says that ‘feedback is the breakfast of champions’. It is only going to nourish you if it is delivered and prepared with care. You have had opportunities to give someone feedback and equally sit on the side of the table where you are the one receiving it.

The way you approach feedback will go a long way to crafting a powerful personal brand. How about reframing feedback as a gift, a means to grow, improve and show up more powerfully. 

However, if you interpret feedback as a personal attack and get defensive, you will not improve, and your performance will stay stagnant. Not to mention, your brand becomes associated with someone who is not coachable and cannot improve.

Now, this assumes the person giving you the feedback has your best interest at heart and delivers it in a way that boosts your confidence and not breaks it. Having said this, you have control of this when you provide feedback to someone else.

Start with the positive and elevate this person, spotlight their strengths and what they have done well before launching into the negative. This approach enables them to be receptive to the parts that aren’t so complimentary and makes them feel that you have their best interest at heart.

You also want to give feedback immediately, especially if something damaging has occurred. Have you ever withheld feedback from someone, and the resentment built up inside you over time? 

Eventually, one small action from this person resulted in you exploding and losing your temper at them. The irony is that you come across negatively and unjustly because of your exaggerated response.

Always give feedback sooner than later to help them course-correct and as a preventative measure to protect the relationship. Again, think about the outcome as a result of the conversation. You want them to feel empowered, confident and able to work with you in a climate of transparency and openness.

Final thoughts.

Mastering your people skills is not a soft skill. It is a life skill.

It is also one of the most challenging skills to master, and the truth is, you will make a mistake. We all do!

The last habit is to reframe failure to the science lab of life. You may set the intention to have a candid and empathetic conversation, but you lose your temper and say things you regret before you know it.

You obsess about the conversation and ruminate on what you could have and should have done differently. This approach will not get you anywhere.

Instead, put the situation under a microscope and dissect it. What triggered you — was it the person, the words they used or their tone of voice? Why did you lose your temper?

From this place, think about how you could do it better next time. The more self-awareness and self-compassion you apply to yourself, the easier this becomes.

To develop a powerful personal brand, remember these 5 habits:

· React to the outcome, not the event

· Develop self-awareness

· Replace assumption with curiosity

· Press your mental pause button

· Master the art of feedback

In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, ‘Always do the best you can’.

Here’s to building a powerful personal brand.

Warm wishes

Lori