How to Coach Yourself for a Successful 2023 on Your Terms.
You have two kinds of people: someone who says that they have twenty years of experience or someone who has repeated the same year twenty times.
You don't learn from your experience; you learn from reflecting on your experience and this time of year is a golden opportunity to do just that.
How are you using the lessons in your past as valuable feedback to do things differently? How are you incorporating the life lessons as growth rather than resenting them?
The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask yourself. How much more value would you take from a challenge by asking yourself, 'what is this here to teach me?' versus 'why do I always self-sabotage?'
Coaching is about bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to go with a focus on your present and future. Here are some quality questions to help you take the best of what you know now and generate clarity for a powerful 2023:
Creating clarity on your future vision:
Imagine when you get to the stage you are aiming for - what will that look like?
I love this question because it helps you create clarity beyond a job title. It takes a bird's eye view and a broader perspective on your life.
Is it that you are regarded as the thought leader in your industry and the expert in your team?
Perhaps you don't run on autopilot all day from one meeting to the next but can enjoy your day and feel in flow. You aren't rushing but responding mindfully and can think clearly under pressure.
Maybe it means your morning routine consists of activities you enjoy, and you get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night and wake up refreshed and fully charged for the day ahead.
The ultimate stage should be confidence and mastery in your work; you no longer question yourself but enter every situation from a place of knowing and certainty in your abilities.
What do you need to know to get to this outcome?
This question can trigger a series of limiting beliefs. Perhaps you must question your belief about imposter syndrome and how it may hold you back.
Could this question highlight a skill you need to work on? Do you need to master public speaking or interpersonal skills to step into this role?
Do you need to introduce self-care rituals into your calendar to convert how you want to feel into reality?
Habits are also patterns of emotions, not just actions. What if you replace the habit of anger or frustration with gratitude and enthusiasm?
What are some possible options you can try?
This is where you can get creative with brainstorming and consider what needs to happen to translate the dream into reality.
Once you have your list, pick one item and schedule the first step you can take to make this a reality. Could it be as simple as researching courses or signing up with a trainer at the gym?
Whatever you decide, the most critical decision is to take action, no matter how small. You can reflect, visualise and create a great vision board for 2023, but nothing will move you forward without concrete action and evidence.
Creating work/life harmony:
Harmony is a magic recipe and unique to every person; consider these questions to determine your perfect formula:
• What's missing in your life?
• What would you like MORE of in your life?
• What would you like LESS of?
Is it less anxiety, dropping the need to try to please others or constantly seeking approval from others to validate your self-worth?
Perhaps it's more adventure, fun, laughter and playfulness? Do you need more opportunities to express creativity like painting, baking, writing or photography?
Overall, I assume you need more of yourself to show up on the calendar – guilt-free.
Defining your goals:
• In six months, what would you see if things were going exactly the way you wanted?
• If your main obstacle didn't exist, how would your life look?
• If you could change just ONE thing right now, what would it be?
These questions are a brilliant tool to create clarity about what you want.
Is the obstacle real or self-inflicted? Once you can see your vision without the obstacle, you take back control of the process; you no longer feel helpless because you have created a new possibility.
Is your one change something you can control? Is it more energy, or is it your relationship? What can you do today to start doing things differently?
Discover your passion:
If I had to teach a master class, what would it be?
I'm not a fan of the concept of discovering your passion because it feels like it needs to be one thing you are passionate about, and then there is pressure not only to discover it but to live it.
A portfolio of passion allows for various things that energise you.
Masterclass is an online learning platform where the most successful people in their field teach their craft. For example, Natalie Portman teaches acting, Richard Branson teaches disruptive entrepreneurship, and Niel Gaman teaches writing.
If you were approached by Masterclass, what would you love to teach? This skill does not have to be your vocation now, but something you love learning about and sharing with other people.
It forces you to think about your superpower and what is effortless for you that many people struggle with. I'm not saying this needs to become your day job, but I question whether you are dedicating enough time to it in the calendar.
Breaking limiting beliefs:
What thought would you need to believe for change to happen?
If there is one nugget you take away from this article, please let it be this:
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
What thought would you need to forget?
You may need to forget the thought that you are an imposter or need another piece of paper, a course, or a certain bank balance to permit you to take action on what matters most.
Do you need to forget about an experience that has dented your confidence? Remember, you did the best you could at the time with the resources and knowledge available then. In the words of Maya Angelou:
'Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better".
Define your version of success:
I know I'm being successful when…
This prompt can trigger many scenarios – are you successful when you enjoy your day without worrying about things out of your control? Or when you feel like you are striking harmony between work and personal life?
Are you successful when you have a particular title or salary? If your answer includes external factors, see it as an alarm bell. If your version of success relies on material things or elements out of your control or even other people's approval of you, this could be a strategy for unhappiness.
Move into an internal locus of control where your self-worth is based on who you are rather than things 'out there' that you can't control.
Who am I at my best?
Think back to when you felt in your zone and were unstoppable. What were the habits, rituals and practices you were engaging in? It could be journaling, exercise or meditation. Perhaps you were making time for friends and family or learning new things.
When you feel a little stuck or not yourself, think back to what is missing in your life now and figure out what needs to shift. Is it a mindset, a focus, or have you stopped your power rituals?
Once you know what's missing, take out your calendar and commit to when, where and what you will do to bring out your best again.
Final thoughts.
The objective of this article is not to give you any answers but trigger a series of new thoughts and get you to dig a little deeper about what you want for 2023 and beyond.
How can you reframe your past as something that happened for you rather than something that happened to you?
Who are you today as a result of your past? How have your toughest challenges provided valuable tools and lessons?
When facing a challenge and you default to stress and overwhelm, remember you may need to shift your focus to a better question to retrieve a better answer.
The ultimate break-in-case-of-emergency question you can pull out in any situation is:
What would my eighty-year-old self tell me to do?
They would probably tell you that you got this, you always make a plan, and you are enough. Just relax and enjoy the journey.
Here's to tuning into your inner coach,
Warm wishes,
Lori