4 Habits to Create Success on Your Terms in 2023.

We often equate success with an external achievement such as a job title or bank balance.

Making your version of success conditional upon external factors can leave you with a feeling of 'not enough' and out of control. When you don't feel like you have control over your world, you tend to move into bad habits that give you a false sense of control, like overworking, comfort eating, procrastination, etc.

What if you changed the metrics for success to ones you have complete control over but are harder to master than you think? Here are four habits to adopt for a more fulfilling 2023 because when you can recognise a shift in these areas, you know you are becoming the best version of yourself, and that is a true success:

Accept reality as it is
Master self-awareness
Practice non-attachment.
Measure by impact, not hours

Accept reality as it is.

Acceptance is embracing reality as it is right now without trying to control or manipulate it to the way you want it to be. It is not about giving up, making excuses or being submissive.

Let's say you've planned a great day out, and it starts to rain. You can either fight with the fact it's raining, make it personal like the universe decided to disrupt your plans intentionally, or accept it and make the most of it.

If you continue wishing the weather was different, it will drain your energy on every level. What tends to happen is that you spend more time in resentment and frustration rather than enjoying where you are and being open to changing your plans.

On a more serious note, life does happen, and when a genuine challenge shows up, the starting point is acceptance. When you accept what is, you can begin to look at reality for what it is, not make it worse than it is.

Acceptance is easier said than done, but it can make the difference between navigating the situation in a way you're proud of rather than regretting an outburst. A few years back, I was at the bike park with my kids, and my son fell severely. When he stood up, I could see his arm was broken.

At that moment, I could decide to resist reality and shout at him for going so fast or blame the path for being too rocky. I found a sense of acceptance and knew there was nothing I could do to change the situation. All I could do was remain calm and help him to get through it in the most supportive way because nothing could change what's happened.

Acceptance is not lying down or giving up. It's surrendering to the situation and choosing the best way to navigate it based on the circumstances and resources available to you.

When you resist reality or blame others, you give away your control. When you accept reality with all its ups and downs, you claim your full power and determine the way forward.

Master self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the art of knowing yourself. If you get stressed, how do you tend to react? Do you get agitated and make snide comments? Do you tend to recluse or lose your temper quickly?

How do you manage yourself when you've been triggered? Do you go for a run or reach for something sugary or a big glass of wine?

The greatest habit you can master is self-awareness because true freedom is when you stop lying to yourself.

Can you adopt the witness mindset and watch yourself in situations as if you are on a movie screen? If you experience awe or jealousy about someone else’s achievement, stop and get curious. These intense feelings may be an alarm bell for a part of yourself you have disowned.

If you admire someone’s creativity or boldness, have you made these parts of yourself dormant? Is there a creative project you would love to do but fear judgement? Do you shut down in meetings for fear of not being perfect? The next time you feel the sting of jealousy or a burst of inspiration, pay attention because it is waking up something within you.

The more you know yourself, the more you can practice the response and emotions you want. If you want to feel more joy, notice what prevents this. Are you focusing on what you lack rather than what you have?

True growth is being able to say no now to what you used to say yes to. If you know you're a people pleaser and get yourself into situations where you over-commit, self-awareness is key to breaking the habit.

Self-awareness is knowing you may ditch your morning walk or meditation practice because of a late night so you decide how to handle it in advance.

The more you know yourself, the more success you will create in all areas of your life. Self-awareness is not only about how you act in the moment but knowing your triggers and how to navigate them ahead of time.

Practice non-attachment.

Have you ever wished you were still on your holiday or back in high school or wish your relationship could go back to the early days? The more you live in the past and previous situations, the more you need to practice non-attachment.

Wanting to be somewhere else means you are absent from where you are now. Can you reflect on the memories with joy, take the lessons from a previous challenge, and then let the story go?

We get attached not only to the past but to a specific future. If you want a promotion or to achieve a specific goal, work towards it and do the work but don't get attached to a specific outcome that holds your self-worth hostage.

Non-attachment is wanting the goal but being able to let go simultaneously. Can you have the goal in mind but not make your self-worth conditional upon it?

Why is this important to your personal growth and success? You might think that a particular role will bring you happiness, so you ignore any other possibility that shows up.

Sometimes what you want and what life presents are very different. Can you let go, soften your grip, and be open to what you want and what you need are two very different scenarios.

Letting go is a softening of the rules you have created. They are not literal rules you are conscious of but conditions you place on your happiness. Maybe it's about how much money you need, how many clients you have, or how many times a day someone compliments you to make you feel worthy.

The journey of success is being able to have a goal but being open to what else may show up. It's finding joy in the process because this is where true growth lies. Rather than make your self-worth conditional upon achieving the goal, focus on who you are becoming along the way.

Measure your day by impact, not hours.

You know that being busy and productive is very different; someone can claim to work overtime, but their efforts don't yield the results.

What if, in 2023, you begin to measure your day by impact, not hours?

At the end of each day, can you measure your impact – did you make someone's day better? Did you deliver tasks on time with extra effort? Did you contribute to the team?

Another way to look at this is, did your efforts impact the team negatively or positively? Did your procrastination take over, and you let someone down because they were waiting on your document to move the project forward? Sure, you may feel productive because you are 'researching' rather than completing the task, but your efforts negatively affect the team because, if you're honest, you get caught up in your fear of failure and being judged.

Making an impact doesn't mean work tasks alone, but did you ask your colleague how they were when you heard the sad tone in their voice? Did you spend a few minutes asking someone about their weekend? Did you greet the barista at the canteen or in your favourite coffee shop? Even in the grocery store, I will compliment the cashier's nails if I can see she made an effort with them. Why? Because a simple comment will create a positive impact on their day.

What can you do to create impact and, inevitably, better hours?

Final thoughts.

As you enter the new year, consider some new habits for a different 2023. One that you can take the reigns to measure your definition of success. Rather than focus only on goals that you have no control over the outcome, take charge of a few simple habits that allow you to own your days and experience joy for no reason: