How to Stay Focused on Your Future While Remaining in the Present.

The question I've grappled with for a long time is how you navigate the delicate dance of creating your future while remaining in the present moment.

If you spend too much time living in the future, especially trying to control and predict it, you generate anxiety. If you spend too much time in the past, you create feelings of sadness because you can't change it or relive it.

I'm a big fan of visualisation and seeing the desired end result in my mind. But what tends to happen is that I go from gently seeing this image to trying to throttle and control it, to bend the future to my will and how things should unfold in a specific way.

This version of visualisation does not work and will leave you more anxious than optimistic.

It's only in the present moment that you can make the choices today that ultimately create your future. The biggest challenge is to decide to remain here.

Here are some of my favourite quotes to remind me that the present is the only place to make my dreams a reality and that as much as I think I have control over the future, control is the ultimate illusion.

"Decisions and actions are best when reverse-engineered from a desired outcome. Start with what you want and work backwards. Think and act from your goal rather than toward your goal." - Dan Sullivan. 

Imagine you achieved your current goal. Now, what is your next goal after that? This is where you need to work from.

Is it from being able to call yourself a Doctor because you completed your PhD with flying colours? Is it from the title of CEO? Maybe your goal isn't work-related; maybe it's growing your side hustle that's no longer just on the side.

From this place, who do you need to be today to make it a reality?

·       What do you need to start doing?

·       What do you need to stop doing?

·       What do you need to believe to make change happen?

·       What do you need to forget to make change happen?

"What happened to you doesn't matter as much as what story you decide to tell yourself about what happened." – Benjamin Hardy.

You cannot change your past, but you can change what it means to you. I had a client who was battling with a major case of feeling unconfident and not enough. He shared a story of how, growing up, his parents were always pushing him to be better.

Although their intention was pure, his interpretation of their response was that nothing was ever good enough for them. His best was always around the corner, never now.

To help him change his story, I asked him to reflect on the traits he has developed today because of his parents. Who is he today because of how they raised him? I also asked him to consider if he could have navigated his recent challenges without these traits.

The penny dropped, and he realised he was telling himself a disempowering story rather than being grateful for the parents he has and how they have set him up for success today.

Consider if there is a story you are holding your future goals ransom to because of how you are labelling it. How did your past happen for you and not to you?

How can you use this story to drive you forward rather than hold you back? Who are you today because of your past?

When you reframe your past, you can build an empowering present to create the ideal future.

"Time will be your friend or your enemy; it will promote you or expose you." —Jeff Olson.

Your future success is dependent on your current day habits and rituals. What's your current trajectory? If you continue to operate your days like you are now for the next five years, will it bring you closer to your ideal outcome or derail you completely?

What is one small thing you can start or stop today that, with the compound effect of consistency, time will bring you closer to your desired outcome?

Every present-day decision holds a future consequence. Rather than focus on how you would like your energy to improve someday, focus on small steps you can take today.

"We are kept from our goal not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal."- Robert Brault.

Do you struggle with procrastination and tend to avoid the more uncomfortable actions for the easier low-hanging fruit because it makes you feel like you've achieved something?

Then we wonder why we aren't where 'we should be'. It's not that we don't have time or that we are always busy; it's that we choose the path of instant gratification and comfort over the challenging and growth-shaping tasks.

If you want to succeed in your future goals, you need to get comfortable with discomfort today. Think back to when you started your first job. Did you procrastinate on every task because it made you uncomfortable, or did you persevere through the imposter syndrome until it became second nature to you?

Don't allow lesser goals to distract you because they are more comfortable. Challenge yourself and remember that imposter syndrome only shows up as proof that you are innovating and trying new things.

"Don't stick with something just because your former self invested in it." – Benjamin Hardy.

What are you still saying yes to that your desired future self would wish you would say no to?

It's not about saying no to the things you don't want to do, but the things you used to say yes to, even if it's no longer congruent with who you are today.

Perhaps now the circumstances have changed, or you have changed, and that task/habit/course/hobby no longer yields the same enthusiasm or passion it once did.

This is known as sunk cost bias—just because you previously invested in something, you feel compelled to continue so as not to lose that initial investment, whether time or money.

Pursuing something that doesn't bring you joy will only drain your present self.

For me, this was cycling. When my son was younger, I bought a mountain bike to ride with him, and I loved it. Now, when I see the bike hanging in the garage, I am guilted because I'm not making the time to practice, and it took me a long time to admit that I no longer enjoy it.

Right or wrong, I am associating it with fear and pain. What if I fall? What if I can't do my other training for weeks? I also focus on how much time and dedication is actually required to improve my skill set, and it's not that I don't have the time; it's that I have other activities I value over cycling.

I have finally made peace with the fact that I am giving riding a break for now rather than manufacturing frivolous excuses about why I'm neglecting it. Embracing this decision has freed up mental energy and boosted my inner enthusiasm and vitality for my present-day self.

"When you finally face the truth that you can't dictate how fast things go, you stop trying to outrun your anxiety, and your anxiety is transformed." – Oliver Burkeman.

Just let this one sink in. There's a wonderful relief that we can't make things go according to our perfect timing plans. Like nature, things unfold in their own perfect time.

As much as you may want seeds to sprout in winter, it's not going to happen.

What if you could trust that everything in your life is unfolding as it's meant to, even if it isn't what you imagined it would be?

What if a quiet period is exactly what you need right now? Look around and note what's going on in your world, personally and professionally. If everything went as you wanted it to, would it be an inconvenience, if you're honest?

Have a plan and a future goal, but can you be a little more flexible about when and how it comes to fruition?

Where do you need to apply a softening so you can enjoy the journey, not rush it and bend it to your will?

It's not to 'go with the flow' and let everything happen without action. Keep taking daily doses of action in the direction of your goal, but be more tolerant of when and how it happens.

When you feel despondent or feel the anxiety speeding up, remind yourself – it's on the way.

"The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal." —Dan Sullivan.

Have you had Facebook memories pop up, and you're astounded at where you are compared to five years ago? I know I have.

When memories of past events or posts come up, I'm humbled and proud of how far I've come, but I have compassion for the previous version of myself, who didn't know better at the time.

If we can measure ourselves from where we've come, we can acknowledge the gains. When we measure ourselves where we aren't yet – we feel despondent because the focus is on what is missing and lacking.

You aren't the same person you were five years ago, so it goes without saying that you won't be the same person in five years. If you keep measuring yourself from where you started, it's easier to notice the growth.

To stay motivated for your future goals, acknowledge your present-day wins.

"A mistake repeated more than once is a decision." —Paulo Coelho".

Once a mistake. Twice a choice.

To prevent repeating mistakes in the future, carve out time in the present to reflect.

The greatest question you can ask yourself when you've made a mistake or even failed is – where did I contribute?

If you continue to blame others, the environment, or yourself, you will never learn the lesson, repeat the cycle, or attract the same situation.

Once you can own the part you played, even if you don't think it had anything to do with you, you can take the lesson and drop the story.

Acknowledging some difficult truths in the present will yield a wiser, more compassionate future self.

"Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished." —Dr. Daniel Gilbert.

To maximise the present, you need to zoom out to your desired future self, even two years from now. What are they doing? What are they world-class in? What are they known for?

Now, bring yourself into the present and ask yourself what skills need to be refined or created to set yourself up for success. If you want to be a brilliant presenter, don't tell yourself you're shy or an introvert. That assumes you're a finished product.

Be a work in progress, have a growth mindset, and remind yourself that if you put in consistent effort now, you will improve and even master what scares you now.

Look back to the previous version of yourself five years ago; what do you know now that was oblivious to them? When you acknowledge the wins over the years, you can really appreciate that you can keep evolving into the person you aspire to be.

What's different now is that you get to reverse-engineer the process. You get to decide who you want to become and start setting your future self up for success with deliberate practice.

Final thoughts.

You can visualise all you like and create the most elaborate and detailed plans for the future, but here's the real truth, according to meditation expert Joseph Goldstein:

"A plan is just a thought." We treat our plans as though they are a lasso, thrown from the present around the future, in order to bring them under our command. But all a plan is—all it could ever possibly be—is a present-moment statement of intent. It's an expression of your current thoughts about how you'd ideally like to deploy your modest influence over the future. The future, of course, is under no obligation to comply."

What's the antidote to staying present, knowing you have no control over the outcome?

"Embrace uncertainty and trust the process. It often leads to the most remarkable outcomes." – Steve Maraboli.

Here's to your future self,

Warm wishes

Lori