Mastering Self-Coaching: Questions to Move from Resolutions to Results.

Are your New Year's resolutions going strong, or are they a distant memory, and the year feels like it's running away without you?

You may also feel that your resolutions are irrelevant because circumstances have shifted beyond what you'd expected, and they seem immaterial in the scheme of things.

To recalibrate, consider booking off time for a mid-year annual review. An offsite planning day just for yourself; it doesn't have to be a full day, even a few hours.

I know you're thinking you don't have time, and while it sounds like a lovely idea in concept, it will never happen practically.

I have no doubt the team's strategy review would be taken seriously and blocked out for months with no debate on attending it. Can you view your life with the same importance?

Here are some questions from Rich Litvin for your mid-year review to prompt you to provide clarity, focus and real insights to make sure the next six months are everything you hoped 2024 to be and much more:

What basic habit do you return to when faced with a difficult problem (even if it's not good for you)?

Personal growth doesn't mean you won't fall back into bad habits. It means that when life happens, you may fall back into what you know because it's certain, even if it's not great for you.

Know yourself. What do you do under stress? Do you eat, smoke or procrastinate? Then, when you notice yourself going back to old ways, interrupt your pattern with a better choice. Rather than sit in the bad habit for a week, sit there for an hour and choose a better way forward.

The genius of this question is to make the invisible visible. You cannot self-correct what you cannot self-observe.

What are you waiting for to go away before you act?

Things will never be perfect. Don't put your life on hold for external circumstances you most likely can't control. All you can control are your thoughts and the actions you take.

Done is always better than perfect.

What do you take on that you should leave to others?

If you are complaining of no time and working late hours, look at your calendar and see what tasks are genuinely yours and which ones you take on for fear of losing control or fear of missing out. If you're honest, you're holding onto it because you feel no one can do it as well as you.

Delegation is a permanent solution; rather than focus on what you may lose, consider the time you will gain and the growth opportunities for someone else.

What do you leave to others that you should be doing?

This one speaks for itself, and only you know the answer.

Do you know someone who is getting the results you wish to get? Who is he/ she being and doing that you are not?

The answer is probably simpler than you think. Do they plan and schedule their days? Do they make time for themselves? Do they keep the promises they make to themselves and others? Do they light up a room when they walk in? Do they have a contribution mindset?

If you've answered no to most questions, you may be admiring the wrong people.

If you'd earn one Million Rand by taking one small step right now, what would you do?

What did you write down as a resolution that you haven't taken action on yet? What's the first micro win you can accomplish? It could be as simple as making that phone call.

What are you really committed to, and what are you going to do about it?

"Commitment is a statement of what 'is'. You can know what you're committed to by your results, not by what you say your commitments are. We are all committed. We are all producing results. The result is proof of a commitment."

Your commitment is a reflection of your desire. If you REALLY want something, then you'll commit to that thing. You'll be willing to let go of other things. You'll go all in. You'll go get it. You'll find a way.

Commitment is a statement of "what is" means that what you currently have is what you're currently committed to. Put another way, what you currently have is what you currently want. If you truly wanted something different, you'd get something different." – Benjamin Hardy.

What's your BREAKTHROUGH goal?

If you were only allowed to focus on ONE goal on your list, which goal would most likely ensure that EVERY other goal was accomplished ANYWAY—even if you were not allowed to work on them?

Considering what you have written down, ask yourself if continuing on this trajectory of behaviour will bring you closer to your desired end result by the end of the year. Some more powerful questions to provoke you:

·       What will it cost you?

·       What has it cost you?

·       What will it cost others?

A Miracle Happened.

Knowing your goal is only half of the work done. The real question is, how will you know you have arrived?

Perhaps you wrote down that your breakthrough goal is to create more work/life harmony (I don't believe in balance). It's a wonderful intention, but you need to be able to measure it to see if you have achieved it.

Like anything in life, if you can measure it, you can manage it. Here is a final exercise by leadership coach Keith Leonard called a Miracle Happened:

A miracle happened! You have created your ideal day and achieved work/life harmony on your terms.

Perhaps balance isn't your goal. Maybe your goal is to become more confident in your life, and you will finally wake up and walk into the office with a sense of inner knowing, confidence, and self-assurance.

The real questions are:

·       How will you know?

·       What's different?

·       What's there that wasn't there before?

·       What does it feel like?

·       What does it sound like?

·       How will you know what's changed?

·       What does success look like for you?

Once you can identify these answers, you can begin to measure your progress and have a list of smaller goals to work towards.

For some people, more confidence means they can speak up in a meeting without the inner critic going crazy and telling them to keep quiet. Some people can present to the team and take on more speaking opportunities, and it becomes easier with time.

Balance for some might mean having thirty minutes daily to walk, exercise, meditate, journal, or whatever else you need. It may mean you are calmer as you navigate the day and not constantly worrying. It could mean your headspace is a pleasant place to be, not constant negative self-talk.

Only once you define your criteria can you internalise that you have achieved your goal. Then, measure progress daily to ensure you are taking the right actions to live by design and not by default.

Final thoughts.

Consider where you are now. Are you on course, or have you veered a few degrees out?

A few degrees doesn't sound like a lot, but in aviation terms, even one degree is massive.

Pilots are taught the 1-in-60 rule, which states that after 60 miles, a 1-degree error will result in wandering off course by 1 mile.

This means that you may intend to fly to New York, but you land in Tokyo.

This 1-in-60 rule doesn't just apply to aviation. In the same way, you need to constantly evaluate and course correct as you navigate the year to ensure you land at the desired destination.

If you don't, the farther you go without assessing your progress, the more off-course you end up.

Block out time in your diary for your mid-year review; even better, include a friend or bring the whole team.

As Greg McKeown says:

"If you don't prioritise your life, everyone else is going to".

Here's to staying on course,

Warm wishes,

Lori