5 Things You Need to Know About Why We Resist Change.

Consider a change you would like to make but haven't been able to follow through on. Perhaps you succeeded for some time, but it hasn't quite stuck. There's good and bad news about why you haven't followed through.

The good news is that it has nothing to do with motivation and willpower.

The bad news is that it has nothing to do with motivation and willpower.

I had the privilege of spending three days in a Zoom room with Professor Robert Kegan from Harvard University, learning to facilitate his Immunity to Change program.

Here are some profound insights I learned about the recipe for change:

Knowledge is not enough.

You already know how to get healthier or lose weight; however, even knowing the health benefits of being healthier is not always enough to produce lasting change.

Research shows that only one in seven patients make changes to their health when facing life-threatening heart disease. Even though the six people knew they could die, it wasn't enough for them to change their ways!

Kegan and his partner, Lisa Lahey, speak about two types of change - technical and adaptive.

Technical change requires a new set of skills, but adaptive change requires a new mindset. This one is not accessible in a book or online course; it has to come from within and is based on your personal experience.

The barrier to change is understanding that technical change will not yield the desired results, especially if it's a lifestyle shift you want to make.

Intention is not enough.

Even if you know what to do and genuinely want to change and get fitter, it may not be enough to get you over the change threshold.

The real barrier between you and the progress you so desperately crave is that you have an inner conflict.

Often, your inner conflict is a tug of war between the existing identity you have created for yourself and the new person you aspire to become.

If you were always the social butterfly and life of the party but wanted to adopt a more predictable and sustainable sleep and exercise schedule, the main worry is, who am I if I am not this person?

Not only that, but other people expect this from you, and there is a fear of losing belonging and connection if you become this healthy and 'boring' person who prefers an earlier bedtime.

Can you be OK with letting go of the old version of yourself that no longer serves you and finding significance in a new way? It doesn't mean you are not the same person; your values and priorities have evolved.

Self-protection will trump intention every time.

Kegan and Lahey provide a brilliantly curated formula to take individuals on a journey of identifying their 'Immunity to Change model'. In other words, the behaviours we engage in contradict the goal we aspire to achieve.

Immunity to Change is designed for individuals and to help teams progress toward their common goal.

In teams, the goal may be more work/life balance, but the team members engage in behaviours like emailing after hours and committing to taking on other people's work. They schedule meetings during family time, and the list goes on.

Why do we do this even though it's so illogical? It all comes down to self-protection against what we stand to lose:

The image of who we think we are versus who others expect us to be.

The fear of losing belonging, connection and acceptance.

The fear is that we are not perfect or may fail.

Even more interesting is the self-protection against success. In a workshop, one of the key insights was that the team complained of a culture of fire fighting and chaos rather than prevention and bringing in streamlined processes and systems.

Self-protection means that if there is chaos, I can be the hero and save people from the chaos. Going a level deeper, the fear is what value I add if there is no one or nothing to rescue and save the day.

Am I going to be exposed as not enough if things run smoothly?

Consider your goal and what inner conflict you may face if you actually achieve it.

What image are you afraid of giving up?

Are there deeper fears that you are willing to explore?

Don't judge yourself; observe yourself with curiosity.

Change isn't easy, but when you can be honest with yourself and identify existing patterns, only then can you begin to interrupt them.

Choose the smallest shift you can make and start there so it isn't too intimidating. If you want to get healthier, drink a glass of water in the morning. That's it. Don't even worry about exercise at this point.

Replace judgment with curiosity and not take yourself too seriously. Laugh at your patterns and have compassion for the younger version of yourself who needed self-protection.

Get comfortable with discomfort.

Whatever the change you want to make, embrace discomfort. Whether it's eating different foods, going to bed earlier, exercising, reading or changing roles, it will feel uncomfortable initially.

It's not permanent, but it's part of the process. Remember, knowing what to do doesn't guarantee success; changing your mindset is what does.

Giving yourself permission to be a beginner and feel like an imposter without getting carried away by it is your ticket to play.

Moving ahead.

The point of this article isn't to provide you with a step-by-step solution; it's to plant a seed and encourage you to get curious about your goals and what's preventing you from taking action.

It's busting the myths about goals and behaviour change and giving you a light at the end of the tunnel that there is a better way to create change if you are willing to dig deep.

It begins with the courage to be honest with yourself.

This process is unique to each person and each team, so if you would like to chat further about how I can help you discover your Immunity to Change model and create lasting change, let's chat – lori@beyondthedress.co.za

Warm wishes,

Lori