The Freedom Quo – When Familiar Isn’t Freedom.
We often speak about freedom like it’s somewhere out there — a destination we’ll arrive at once we’ve ticked off enough boxes, finished the list, and made it through another week.
But what if our real prison isn’t the circumstance… it’s the familiar? What if the status quo we cling to is masquerading as freedom?
In my work, I often witness behaviours that on the surface appear chaotic — even self-destructive: people who insist on surviving on four hours of sleep, who schedule themselves into oblivion, who resist pausing long enough to hear the sound of their own thoughts.
It looks like poor self-management. Underneath? Freedom. Or so it seems.
Because if I’m productive, busy, “on it” – then I’m safe.
Because rest is an interruption.
Because slowing down means confronting the parts of myself I’d rather outrun.
So the internal command centre kicks in: Keep going. Stay useful. Don’t drop the ball.
What’s fascinating is who is driving this behaviour.
Many of the entrepreneurs and founders I work with had to operate like this in the early days — doing it all, hustling to make magic happen. It served them… then.
Fast forward a few years — there’s a team, systems, and stability. However, their identity hasn’t kept pace with reality. The old version of themselves — the hustling, sleepless, slave-driving operator — is still running the show. The belief? If I slow down or approach it differently, everything will collapse.
This is the Freedom Quo.
Behaviours that once protected us now hold us hostage. Our former superpower becomes our kryptonite. The tenacity that got you here won’t necessarily take you there.
Meet your internal cast.
We all have internal “parts” we developed over time to keep us safe — The Fixer, The Soldier, The Robot, The Control Monster. Once driven, focused and disciplined… they’re now rogue: anxious, joy-sucking, exhausting.
Rather than fighting them, name them. Then, be curious:
What is this part trying to protect me from?
What mistake are they convinced they’re preventing?
How old is this part of me, really?
Chances are, it’s a teenage or twenty-something version of you, working overtime to preserve what they believe is freedom — the freedom to outrun failure, avoid rejection, stay ahead. In truth, it’s self-protection dressed up as freedom.
The invitation.
What if instead of banishing this part, you thanked them? Invited them to sit next to you at the table. Let them know: I see you. I know you’ve worked hard to keep me safe. But I’ve got this now. I’m older, wiser, and I’m taking over.
Then — promote them.
Instead of letting them drive you towards inbox zero at midnight, redirect their gifts into mastery: training for a race, creating space for thinking, learning a new skill, leaving the office at 17h00, not 19h00.
This is the true Freedom Quo shift.
As Tony Robbins says, “The greatest motivation for people is to act in alignment with how they identify themselves.” If I see myself as the fixer, the one who never drops the ball — I build habits that protect that identity: Saying yes when I mean no. Staying late because “that’s what committed people do.” Skipping rest because achievers don’t need it.
But this isn’t freedom. It’s fear — dressed up as freedom.
Like moving into a beautiful mansion, but only permitting yourself to live in two rooms.
We stay loyal to behaviours because we’re loyal to the identity behind them.
But the version of you that got you here isn’t necessarily the one meant to take you forward.
So now what?
1. Name the part of you running the show. Is it The Fixer? The Control Monster? The Tenacious Doer? Recognise they are trying to keep you safe – even when their methods are destructive.
2. Invite your highest self to the table. The version of you who is calm, confident, and wise. The one who trusts themself. Name this version. Call on them in the moment of decision – “What would they do right now?”
3. Choose micro wins. It will feel uncomfortable to leave the office at 5:00 p.m. instead of 7:00 p.m. Madness to go to bed instead of reorganising your cupboards at midnight. But just for today – try. Just for today. Then tomorrow… do it again.
4. Build a future self vision. Who are you in two years? What does true freedom feel like to you? What time do you wake? How do you feel in your body? How do you end your day? The clearer the picture, the more congruent your daily choices become.
5. Celebrate your new choices. If you make the harder choice, acknowledge it. You shut down your inbox at 21h00? Well done. You said “not right now” instead of your usual cheery yes? Celebrate quietly. Evidence builds identity.
6. Know that true freedom is contentment. Not complacency – contentment. The ability to be deeply grateful in the present moment, instead of always chasing the next accomplishment to feel worthy. As Tony Robbins says, “Success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure”.
7. Integrity is freedom. Live in a way that aligns with what you preach and value – whether it’s wellbeing, leadership, parenting or authenticity. When your choices reflect your values, that quiet internal peace is your ultimate freedom.
The Freedom Quo asks us:
The Freedom Quo asks us to examine the places where we cling to old identities, even though they cost us sleep, joy, or peace. It invites us to step into a new version of ourselves – not by force, but through courage, compassion and consistent choices.
The question is – in that small moment of tension tonight or tomorrow: Who will you allow to drive – your scared teenage self preserving the familiar… or your future self who is waiting patiently with open arms?
Freedom is a choice born in discomfort – but it is yours.
Here's to true freedom,
Warm wishes,
Lori