Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows — and So Does Your Leadership.

"Who you are, what you think, feel and do, what you love – is the sum of what you focus on." – Cal Newport

Everything comes down to state.

Think about a time you absolutely nailed a presentation or interview — when you felt clear, confident, and fully yourself. Then think of the times you’ve replayed a moment in your mind — that thing you wish you hadn’t said, or that email you sent in a flash of irritation.

You are the same person. The difference is your state in that moment.

By state, think of where you sit on the Ladder of Leadership, based on David Hawkins’ Scale of Consciousness.

I don’t know about you, but I rarely do my best work when I’m at the bottom of that ladder. The top — where emotions like peace, joy, and love live — is our natural state, but it’s not realistic to stay there all the time. The goal is self-awareness: noticing when you’ve slipped into lower emotions like anger, shame, or guilt, and asking yourself how long you want to stay there before shifting to a more resourceful state — even if that’s simply courage.

The quality of your decisions is proportional to your emotional state at the time.

So, how do you shift your state? There are several aspects, but I want to focus on one of Tony Robbins’ tools: The Triad, and specifically, the power of focus.

Cal Newport’s words are worth repeating:

“Who you are, what you think, feel and do, what you love – is the sum of what you focus on.”

In my work as a leadership coach, I see this over and over. People who, on paper, have everything, yet their focus pulls them into sadness, anger, or resentment — purely because of where their attention goes.

Here are the most common patterns of focus I see. Shifting even one of these can transform your state — and, by extension, your life. You won’t live at the top of the ladder all the time, but you’ll spend a lot more time closer to it. Sometimes, that shift — even one rung up — gives you the perspective you need to move through your challenge.

1. You Focus on What’s Missing.

Have you ever been in an incredible setting — maybe a dream destination or a long-awaited celebration — and still found yourself comparing it to something or someone else?

What should be a perfect moment turns into frustration or sadness because your focus zooms in on what’s not there: the partner you wish you had, the friend who couldn’t be there, the one thing missing from an otherwise beautiful picture.

Comparison is the thief of joy. When you compare your current reality to an idealised or past experience, disappointment follows.

The secret to contentment is gratitude for the present moment — savouring what’s here before rushing to the next thing.

As Greg McKeown says:

“If you focus on what you have, you gain what you lack. If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have.”

2. You Focus on What You May Lose.

This pattern often shows up around self-care.

When I ask clients who want to get healthier what they associate with that goal, their answers usually centre around loss: time, favourite foods, comfort, or convenience.

But when I ask them what they could gain — more energy, confidence, self-respect, pride — the list grows instantly longer.

The same applies to relationships. Many people hold back from new connections, fearing pain or disappointment. Yet those protective walls also block out joy, laughter, and love — all the higher-level emotions on the ladder of leadership.

So next time you feel yourself withdrawing, ask:

“Am I focusing on what I could lose, or what I could gain?”

3. You Focus on the Gap, Not the Gain.

Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan’s The Gap and the Gain explains this beautifully: When you focus on the gap — what you haven’t achieved, earned, or become — you move down the ladder. When you focus on the gain — how far you’ve come — you move up.

A powerful question they suggest:

“What would my twenty-year-old self say about me today?”

They’d probably be amazed.

This doesn’t mean becoming complacent. It means learning to strive satisfied — to pursue goals from a place of gratitude and pride, not resentment. When you focus only on the gap, you rob yourself of joy in the journey and the chance to honour who you’ve become along the way.

4. You Focus on the Past or the Future.

Where does your attention live — the past, the present, or the future?

Now, if you tend to focus on the past, you may find yourself moving into a sense of longing or nostalgia for what was, which can lead to emotions like melancholy, sadness, or even grief. Why? Because you are powerless to change it now.

Instead of staying stuck in the past, can you shift your focus to a new meaning? Even if you did experience a difficult childhood, ask yourself ‘Who am I today because of that? How did this happen for me? Who have I become despite this?

If you had a difficult parent, does this give you the empathy and compassion to be a better parent for your kids?

I like the phrase – take the lesson and drop the story. Whatever happened in the past, can you say thank you and use the lessons as a gift? How did it show up for your growth? You are no longer that person, so can you have compassion for them, knowing they did the best they could with the resources and knowledge at the time?

If you’re always racing into the future, anxiety often follows. It’s fine to visualise your future self, but use that image as a guide for today’s choices, not a reason to worry about what’s beyond your control.

Let your vision be a filter — helping you decide what to say yes to, what to decline, and where to invest your energy, time, and attention.

5. You Focus on Expecting the Worst.

I often say we can be grouped into two camps: those who expect the best, and those who expect the worst.

We all do this sometimes — play out negative scenarios in our minds until we’ve suffered through events that haven’t even happened. As Seneca said,

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Preparation is wise; pre-living fear is not.

See things as they are, not worse than they are. Take action, and trust that you can handle challenges as they arise.

When you live by Rumi’s advice —

“Live life as though everything is rigged in your favour” — you naturally rise up the ladder.

Of course, you may visit the bottom when life throws something hard your way. Just decide how long you want to stay there before moving upward again.

Final Thoughts.

What you focus on, you feel.

When you find yourself at the bottom of the ladder, get curious. Ask:

“What am I focusing on that’s creating these thoughts and emotions?”

Is it what’s missing? What you may lose? What you haven’t achieved? The past or the imagined future? Expecting the worst?

When in doubt, focus on gratitude. Gratitude always moves you up the ladder — you can’t be fearful and grateful at the same time.

It reminds you of the resources you already have, and that’s often enough to shift your state — one rung at a time.

Here’s to owning your focus.

Warm wishes,

Lori