From Experience to Insight: The Advice I Kept Coming Back to in 2024: Part Two.

Throughout this year, I've witnessed a remarkable pattern emerge in my coaching practice: certain fundamental truths resonate across all boundaries—regardless of age, gender, industry, or management level.

These insights aren't solely my own discoveries; they're the product of countless conversations and the profound lessons I've learned while working with remarkable individuals who've trusted me with their journeys.

As I share my most gifted advice and insights, I'm struck by how they reveal our shared human experience in the workplace and beyond—proof that regardless of where we sit in our careers, we're often navigating similar challenges and aspirations.

Here is part two of the most gifted insights of 2024:

We are meaning making machines.

Consider the scenario where you send someone a WhatsApp message and see the blue ticks. It’s been four hours, and they still haven’t responded. What do you tell yourself?

"This person is ignoring me, or they don’t take me seriously!" Then you find out that there was a perfectly rational reason why they couldn’t check or reply to your message until much later.

The point is that when you believe that this person is intentionally ignoring you, you feel upset and angry because it’s true for you.

Where else do you attribute a meaning that is disempowering, like interpreting someone's behaviour as being respectful or not feeling appreciated?

When you find yourself labelling situations, ask yourself – what could be an alternative meaning? Or even better, look for at least three different possible meanings.

If you never got the promotion, could it mean that there is a freeze on promotions within the department or that the leader feels you may not be ready at this point but knows a better role is coming up that you will be more appropriate for?

This is not trying to rationalize and make yourself feel better; it’s exploring the possibility that your assumptions may be incorrect and that there is a reason you haven’t explored yet.

The best solution is to ask and gain clarity because, in the absence of information, we draw our own conclusions.

When you feel triggered, say something.

Most of us hold back when upset about something someone did or said because we figure, "Let me let it go; it’s only small." But what inevitably happens is that if this happens repeatedly, and you ‘let it go,’ the resentment starts to stack. Eventually, one insignificant comment or incident triggers you into a huge reaction that feels like it’s come out of nowhere to the other person.

By the time you do unleash your wrath, it’s probably triple the intensity it would have been had you just mentioned what bothered you initially.

There is never an upside to holding in resentments with another person. Even if it’s small, you can say to them, ‘Can I chat with you about the conversation yesterday? I know it may sound silly, but it really upset me, and I would like to discuss it. Or use your own words and flavour, but don’t let it linger.

Replace judgment with compassion and curiosity.

If someone is late to deliver work or drops the ball, our default response is to judge and make assumptions—they are lazy, they don’t care, or they aren’t committed.

What if you replaced judgment with curiosity and instead sat down with the person and asked them, "I’ve noticed that you were late to deliver the project even though we agreed it was due today. Help me understand—what was the barrier for you? How can I better support you?"

With a different approach, you’ll be amazed at what you discover about someone because everyone is living a story you know nothing about. They could be going through a divorce, having a health issue with a family member, or something else is going on for them that is contributing to their behaviour.

It doesn’t excuse non-delivery, but if you continue to judge without the facts, you may make a decision that will affect the trajectory of this person's career. But if you take the time to understand and get curious, you never know how you can shift the trajectory of their career.

Not everyone sees the world the way you do.

The response I receive when I share this with clients is, ‘Well, they should’.

The truth is that not everyone sees the world the way you do. Not everyone is comfortable with conflict or expressing their feelings. Not everyone wants the same goals or achievements, and not everyone values looking a certain way.

The sooner you can make peace with this truth, the more peace you will create for yourself.

Can you move from expectation to acceptance?

If you continually expect others to react like you or approach situations like you, you will continually be disappointed and/or resentful.

The way forward is to be aware of when you place expectations on others and insert a pause button before you make any commentary, whether internally or to the person.

In this space of pausing, you can decide to ask more questions or even stay quiet and hear what they have to say. The point is that you allow a new possibility to emerge before default judgment takes over.

What season are you in?

Most high performers are too hard on themselves and often set unrealistic expectations, as I am sure you do, too.

When you find yourself berating yourself for not being ‘there’ yet, ask yourself a simple question – what season am I in?

If you’ve been ill or have a small child or a sick parent, then remind yourself that you are not in a position to operate at your ‘normal’ capacity because all these situations require more of your attention, focus and energy.

Perhaps the season you are in requires you to focus on your health and more self-care. Whatever season you are in, remember, like nature, that it will change and shift. Often, it is not on your ideal timing plan, but when you let go, you allow life to happen on its own perfect timing. In the beautiful words of Beth Kempton:

"The seasons are a regular reminder that we don't need to push all the time. Every push needs a pull. Every expansion needs a contraction. Every effort needs a rest. There are times for creating and times for seeking inspiration. Times for noise and times for silence. Times to focus and times to dream. Ebb and flow. Wax and wane. There are those contrasts again. Wabi-sabi invites you to tune into your natural rhythm in this season of your life, in this season of the year, and in this moment of your day."

Replace expectations with agreements.

Another alarm bell phrase is ‘I expect them to….’ When you expect something of someone, and they don’t deliver on your expectations, it will end in resentment and probably conflict, even if it is portrayed as passive-aggressive irritation.

Rather than expecting someone to know what to do or to deliver on a task that may be outside their skillset, replace expectations with agreements.

Rather than telling someone, "I expect you to have this done by Friday," say, "Can we agree that you can have this done by Friday in this specific format or template—or whatever details are pertinent?"

They will either say yes and agree to it, or they may say no and explain why they cannot deliver this by Friday, in which case you can negotiate a new agreement.

The point is that when they say yes and then drop the ball, the accountability discussion becomes easier because they now have to own their actions.

Creating new agreements allows you to determine if there is a gap in skills, capacity, or any other reason that could prevent the person from performing. You may expect something of someone based on a CV or a title, but in reality, this may not translate into execution.

Focus on the quality of your thinking, not your doing.

Have you ever had a nonstop day and questioned what you actually achieved when you reached the end of the day?

We know that productivity isn’t purely based on how busy you are but on the quality of your outputs. If you only attach your self-worth to your busyness, you will never allow yourself time to pause, reflect, and course correct.

The higher in leadership you go, the more the quality of your thinking matters.

Reflection time needs to be scheduled and deliberately planned so you can give yourself permission to stop. It’s not ‘doing nothing’; rather, see it as a strategic pause so you can slow down to speed up.

If you're constantly putting out fires, it may be because you didn't make time to reflect first. Thinking and reflecting will never cost you time; they will always save you time.

Plan your day based on outcomes, not your inbox or meetings.

When I start each day, I ask myself, ‘What would make this an amazing day?’ Often, the answer is achieving one or two big outputs, and the rest can be dedicated to smaller admin tasks.

Sometimes, an amazing day is starting a presentation, researching, and making progress. It’s not about completing a task but knowing I have spent time on it so the new ideas can percolate.

Whatever it is for you, the point is to plan your day and schedule it around achieving your big outcomes, even if it’s starting them. It’s about deliberately deciding where your time will go rather than leaving it to randomness. In this scenario, anyone who asks will get a piece of your day, even if it's not tied to your objectives.

People's anxiety shows up most when they default to planning their day around their inbox and meetings. Consider how reactive you are when your day is based on unknowns and unexpected requests—it’s a recipe for anxiety and overwhelm.

First, focus on your tasks and then open your inbox and schedule accordingly.

To make 2025 a year of success, you must become the architect of your calendar, not its victim.

Final thoughts.

Think of these insights as a personal growth buffet—sample what calls to you first, then return for deeper exploration when you're ready. The key isn't to transform everything at once but to start with one insight that truly speaks to you and take a single different action, whether that's reframing a thought or approaching a situation with fresh curiosity.

Real growth happens when we make the invisible visible—when we catch ourselves in our default patterns and consciously choose a different path. Yes, we'll occasionally slip back into old habits, but success lies in noticing these moments sooner and adjusting more quickly. Each time we do, we're laying the foundation for new, more effective behaviours.

As 2024 draws to a close, resist the urge to completely "fix" yourself for the new year. Instead, focus on understanding which patterns aren't serving you and what behaviours keep repeating—this awareness is your compass for making different choices in the future.

I'm excited to discover what new insights and possibilities 2025 will bring for all of us.

Here's to choosing new paths,

Warm wishes,

Lori