My Most Gifted Advice in 2023 - Part Two.

Welcome to part two of my most gifted advice of 2023. As I said in Part One, there is nothing you have never heard, but common sense isn't always too common in times of stress and challenge.

I invite you to dig into the toolbox – use what’s relevant, discard what isn’t and end the year on a high note.

Embrace uncertainty.

Tony Robbins says that the quality of your life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably manage. In other words, can you be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable?

When you change roles, take up a new hobby, or want to change your health, you will initially face discomfort because you unravel old patterns and habits.

Remember, you are not an imposter; you are closing the competence/confidence gap. Remind yourself that with time and effort, you will feel more proficient in the role.

When you want to fast-track the initial learning and awkwardness of being a beginner, you panic because you don't like feeling out of your depth.

Embrace uncertainty; it is your ticket to growth.

Create a vehicle to relax and have fun.

This was a huge challenge for me; I didn't know how to relax because I was a human doing, not a human being. I eventually figured out how to relax – it's adult colouring or riding my bike. I also learned that reading non-fiction doesn't count as relaxing because I am still  ‘being productive’.

Find an activity where your mind can truly wander and let go of thinking about work. Perhaps it's something artistic, a sport, gardening, a martial art or music?

It's not the activity you will struggle with; it's allowing yourself the time to indulge in it without guilt. The more you can relax, the more creative you become, and the more you generate the energy you are so desperately trying to find.

Aim for progress, not perfection.

Perfection is an unachievable goal, but progress is always available to you. Perfection is a fancy form of procrastination; underneath perfection is the fear of not being enough.

Done is better than perfect. First, you need to create the document, the first draft, or take the first class before you can even begin to consider perfecting it.

Progress means am I better than the first time I attempted this? Have I seen improvement? Does it feel easier? Do I look forward to the thing I used to dread?

Perfection is another form of self-criticism; progress is the greatest form of self-acceptance.

Give yourself permission.

The easiest advice that is the hardest to follow is to give yourself permission to take action on what matters to you.

We seek permission from other people or situations, which I call permission devices. Illness is a permission device to look after yourself, or you may want a business partner to permit you to create the business you have always dreamed of, but you can easily do it on your own. These permission devices create a false sense of confidence.

Can you permit yourself to spend time on something you love or even go after a new goal, even if the result is pure enjoyment and no attachment to an outcome?

You may feel uncomfortable initially, but once you get the inner critic out of the driver's seat, you will begin to truly own your days.

Focus on what you will gain, not what you will lose.

When you feel in a low state like anger, sadness or fear – ask yourself what you are focusing on. If you want to get healthier, do you focus on the foods you will have to lose and the time to exercise? Or do you focus on the energy levels and vitality you will feel?

If you've had a bad relationship experience, do you focus on the fear of being hurt again and block new opportunities to meet people? Or do you focus on how much you can gain and the level of love you can experience? It doesn't have to be romantic relationships – what about friendships or trying to connect with work colleagues?

When you focus on what you can gain, you will always make a better decision—fearing what you will lose moves you into certainty, safety and the need to control.

Instead, focus on creating moments rather than worrying about losing them.

Choose yourself.

When you want to make a change, do you do it for others, or can you allow yourself to be the reason to make decisions in your own best interest?

Choosing yourself means you will rest when you are sick or give yourself space to spend time on your hobby or craft without guilt.

Once you can choose yourself as the reason why, you never need to rely on motivation or willpower because you are doing it for yourself; you are pulling yourself towards the goal, not relying on someone or something external to 'motivate' you.

Place value on your commitments.

You know that you should schedule your tasks in the calendar, and you know that you should equally schedule your self-care. The gap is being able to honour the commitment to yourself with the same respect as you would anyone else you respect.

When your slot comes up, don’t tell yourself you are too busy or don’t have time. Keep your promise to yourself, and you’ll find that the world did not end because you took an hour for yourself.

You will have more energy, drive and focus because you did. Self-care is self-leadership – when you make space for yourself, you achieve more, not less.

Generate energy.

You need to generate energy to feel the way you want. That means living by design and planning the first and last hour of the day to ensure you start and end the day in a peak state.

Maybe you can only control the first fifteen minutes, but that's enough to meditate, exercise, read, pray, garden, or whatever will trigger you into a high-energy state.

At night, you need to be in the right headspace to sleep through the night so you can wake up refreshed. Don't check your phone or emails before bed; instead, read or do a gratitude practice. If you wake up with thoughts racing, trap them on paper before bed with journaling so you don't ruminate and block sleep.

Consider your energy boosters and drainers in your day; how can you protect your energy from the drainers and do more of the stuff that fills your tank?

Give yourself significance first.

When you can accept self-praise, you are on the way to another level of confidence. Most people refuse to acknowledge their wins or praise themselves but rely on external validation and praise to feel enough.

Can you walk into the next meeting with complete belief in yourself, and then whatever praise you receive is a bonus? It may feel like positive thinking rubbish, but the latter will always leave you at the mercy of other people's opinions. What happens if others don't share praise verbally but rather show acknowledgement by giving you stretch projects?

We all give significance differently, and you don't want to be at the mercy of others for you to feel worthy and enough.

What you focus on, you feel.

Habitual patterns of thinking create habitual emotions. If you think thoughts of hopelessness, then you will feel hopeless. If you move into gratitude and contentment, you will feel higher-level emotions like contentment and joy.

Do you focus on the opportunity or the downside when a challenge arises? Do you focus on life is happening for you or that life is happening to you?

Do you focus on the end or the beginning? One will take you down the path of fear, and the other courage.

The next time you can feel yourself in a low space, get curious and ask yourself what you are focusing on. What's a better thought to focus on if it doesn't serve you?

You are enough.

The two biggest fears we face are the fear that I am not enough and that I won't be loved.

The fear of not being enough keeps you from taking action on your highest goals.

It's not something you need to prove to yourself; it's something you need to give yourself permission to feel and know – you are enough. In the words of psychologist Marisa Peer:

"When you know and believe you are enough, you don't need more. You will always want more when you feel and believe you are not enough."

Final thoughts.

There is no new knowledge in the world, but how it's packaged will spark a new idea or provide a new perspective you haven't considered. I hope this has planted some new seeds and reminded you of what you already know to be true for you:

·       Create a vehicle to relax and have fun.

·       Aim for progress, not perfection.

·       Give yourself permission.

·       Embrace uncertainty.

·       Focus on what you will gain, not what you will lose.

·       Choose yourself.

·       Place value on your commitments.

·       Generate energy.

·       Give yourself significance first.

·       What you focus on, you feel.

·       You are enough.

Here's to old truths,

Warm wishes,

Lori