Stop the Energy Leak: Why Your Past Is Draining Your Present.
When we think of energy leaks, the usual suspects come to mind: lack of movement, poor nutrition, or that never-ending to-do list. We tell ourselves we’re too busy to meditate for five minutes, and that “let’s do coffee” catch-up with friends has been postponed for months.
And yes, these are very real ways our energy slips away—and deep down, we know what to do about them. Often, the challenge isn’t ability, but motivation.
But what if you’re already pretty good at self-care and yet still feel drained? What if the leak isn’t in your habits today but in the residue of past moments?
Not necessarily deep trauma (though that may be there), but the everyday weight of old conversations, resentments, arguments, or regrets that replay like a movie on repeat. That’s where energy quietly slips away.
Here are some subtle yet powerful ways your past may be draining your present—and how you can begin to plug those leaks.
The Should-Have’s and Could-Have’s.
This one can sting. Decisions made years ago can still sap your energy today. I know this one well—the mental baggage of “if only I had…” My inner critic has had a field day reminding me of every supposed mistake I've made.
But it doesn’t stop with the past. Sometimes it’s as fresh as the email you sent ten minutes ago: “Why did I phrase it that way?” “What if I missed something important?” “Why didn’t I say this instead?”
Even in the face of positive feedback, your focus sticks stubbornly to what you didn’t do. That’s an energy drain—robbing you of confidence and feeding the cycle of self-doubt.
The antidote? Acceptance. Remind yourself: It’s in the past. I cannot change it. Then practice compassion. You did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
Sometimes you’ll look back and see clearly: that wasn’t your best move. And that’s okay. Take the lesson forward and drop the story that you’re an idiot—it’s no longer serving you.
Another powerful practice: watch your language. Words like 'always' and 'never' create mind traps. “I always attract the wrong people.” “Things never work out for me.” These patterns become self-fulfilling if left unchecked. Instead, pause. Reflect. Ask:
What’s the lesson here?
What do I know now that can help me next time?
How did this experience prepare me for what I'm going through now?
When you reframe the past with meaning, the leak begins to close.
Moments of Doubt.
Nervousness and self-doubt can be exhausting—depending on the meaning you give them.
If nerves mean “I’m not ready” or “I’ll mess this up,” they drain you. But if you choose the meaning “I care deeply, and this is my body preparing me to rise to the challenge,” you can redirect that energy into growth instead of self-criticism.
Yes, you may recall moments when nerves got the better of you—a forgotten line in a presentation, a heated reaction you regret. Instead of replaying those scenes as failures, place them in your blooper reel.
Think of the movie credits where they reveal the hidden scenes of the actors bursting out laughing during serious takes. Those imperfect moments make us human. Smile at them, show yourself compassion, and remind yourself: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.
Preparation today undoes the sting of yesterday. Learn the lesson, drop the shame. You’re not that version of yourself anymore—unless you choose to be.
Conversations on Repeat.
How often do you replay past conversations in your head—getting angrier each time? Maybe you regret not speaking up. Maybe you can’t stop replaying how the other person acted. Maybe it's anger towards yourself for what you could have said.
But ask yourself:
Did they intend to hurt me, or was something else happening for them?
Did they even know what I was going through at the time?
Even if their intent was hurtful, notice how much energy you’re spending on something you cannot change.
To stop the leak, decide: Do I need to address this with them directly—or can I let it go?
If a conversation isn’t possible, forgiveness becomes your release valve. Not for their sake, but for yours. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, a way of cutting the emotional cord.
If you can't forgive yet, could you let this go now?
A simple mantra I share with clients is: “I wish you well. I let you go” Say it quietly to yourself, not to them. Visualise releasing them in a pink balloon drifting into the sunset until they disappear from view. It’s symbolic, but powerful.
Remember: rumination is like drinking poison and hoping the other person suffers. You’re the one being drained.
The Weight of the Past.
If you live in the past, it will define you.
Many of my clients carry stories of difficult childhoods, failed exams, or painful chapters that still shape how they see themselves. But reframing the past transforms it from an anchor into fuel.
You cannot change what happened, but you can always change what it means.
I often ask clients: Who are you today because of what you went through? And the answers are extraordinary.
Resilience. Empathy. Drive. Resourcefulness. Focus. Self-sufficiency.
Another powerful question to consider is: If I had the parents I wished for, would I be who I am today?
Would these qualities have emerged without those experiences? Sometimes, the very pain we resist is what gives us the gifts we now depend on.
This doesn’t erase the past or make it less painful. But when you uncover its meaning, you stop the leak—and begin to fill your tank.
Filling Your Tank with Compassion.
To move forward, practice compassion for your younger self—the one who did the best they could with what they knew at the time.
Then bring that same compassion to your current self because it's not if we make mistakes, it's when.
As Maya Angelou so beautifully put it: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Final Thoughts.
When your energy feels low, pause and check:
Am I dwelling on past conversations or regrets?
Am I “shoulding” all over myself?
Am I replaying a story I can no longer change?
Notice the leak.
Ask: Is there anything I can do right now to change this? If not, move into acceptance. Thank yourself for the lesson. Laugh at the mental argument you’ve had fifty times.
Then consciously choose something that fills your tank—kind words, self-compassion, a nourishing action. Even the smallest dose of kindness toward yourself does more than any amount of replaying what can’t be undone.
Your past doesn’t have to drain your present. You can stop the leaks. You can fill your tank again.
Here's to a full tank,
Warm wishes,
Lori