The Counterintuitive Cure for Anxiety: Stop Fighting It and Start Leaning In.
Let’s be honest. Anxiety is the uninvited, obnoxious guest that shows up at the absolute worst time. We all feel it—that internal alarm bell that leaves us feeling scattered and spent.
While there are many clinical definitions, my favourite comes from Chip Conley’s Emotional Equations:
Anxiety = Powerlessness × Uncertainty.
In plain language? It’s what you can’t control multiplied by what you don’t know.
But what if anxiety isn't an enemy you need to banish, but an internal flashlight? It’s often just alerting you that you’re either trying to predict the unpredictable future or control something (or someone) outside of your lane.
Author Karla McLaren suggests anxiety actually brings gifts: foresight, focus, conscience, and even a much-needed procrastination alert. What if you stop seeing it as a problem to be solved and start seeing it as a messenger?
At its core, anxiety is simply an emotion created by a very specific thought. The first, most powerful step you can take is to pause long enough to ask: "What thought triggered this feeling?"
This is where the real work begins. Byron Katie's simple, profound work is a game-changer here. Once you isolate the thought, you can hold it up to the light—and begin to gently separate the truth from the dramatic story you’re telling yourself.
But hey, I get it. When that wave of anxiety actually hits—when you feel that squeeze in your chest and it’s hard to breathe or move—a rational investigation isn't always enough. You need practical tools.
I believe there are four powerful antidotes to anxiety. These aren’t complex theories; they are simple, repeatable actions that change your internal landscape: Acceptance, Exposure, Embracing Uncertainty, and Curiosity.
1. Acceptance is the Antidote to Resistance.
The words you attach to your experience become your experience.
When anxiety flares, listen for the language of resistance. Notice every time you say, “This shouldn’t have happened,” or “They couldn’t have said that.” Every shouldn’t and couldn’t is a fight with reality. You are, in essence, trying to argue with what is.
Of course, you’re allowed to be upset, disappointed, or frustrated. But wishing things were different only escalates anxiety, often inviting its messy friends—anger, resentment, ...and a crippling "why me?" narrative—to the party.
Acceptance doesn't mean you like the situation or that you are giving up; it means you are starting from a place of reality, not fantasy, and you’re not making the situation worse than it actually is. When you stop resisting, you open a door to clarity. You finally begin to see what’s actually within your control—and that is exactly where your energy belongs.
As David Hawkins writes: “Presence without resistance: you are now free to turn to the question, ‘What do we want to do from here?’ Then all sorts of pathways of possibility begin to appear.”
If you can’t control the external world, turn inward. Focus fiercely on self-care, kindness, and small, grounding actions that restore your energy: a walk outside, an early night, five minutes of deep breathing. From that calm, grounded place, the next right step becomes visible.
2. Exposure is the Antidote to Imagination.
The philosopher Seneca had it right: “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
A few years ago, I called a client to confirm details for a talk. She didn’t answer. I had a feeling she might think I was cancelling, so I sent a quick WhatsApp confirming I was excited for the session. Hours later, when she finally checked her phone, she admitted she’d spent that entire time spiralling — imagining I’d pulled out. The relief was palpable.
Where do you do the same, expecting the worst before you have the facts?
Exposure is the practice of gently, deliberately proving to yourself that you can handle it.
When I felt anxious about navigating LAX airport a few years ago—a simple thing, but unfamiliar—I just kept asking for help. I figured it out, and now I have proof that I can do it again. That kind of evidence, built through small actions, dissolves anxiety over time.
For so many of my clients, that first LinkedIn post or that first difficult conversation sparks fear: What if I’m judged? What if I’m seen? The only way past that initial terror is through it. Post anyway. Say the hard thing anyway. When your intention is to contribute or serve, it stops being about perfection and starts being about showing up.
This applies powerfully to taking time for yourself. Activities like journaling, exercise, or meditation often trigger anxious thoughts: I’ll fall behind. I feel guilty. I should be answering that email instead. You then give in to the guilt, breaking the quiet promise you made to yourself.
But exposure is still the antidote. Prove to yourself that even twenty minutes of self-care won’t cause the world to fall apart—yet it will transform your inner world. You'll return clearer, calmer, and more whole, with the renewed energy to show up fully for everything else.
3. Embracing Uncertainty is the Antidote to Control.
Yes, exposure is uncomfortable—but it belongs.
Let’s go back to Chip’s equation: Anxiety = Powerlessness × Uncertainty.
We fear what we can’t predict. But guess what? Growth lives right there, in the unknown.
The key is to stop fighting for certainty in outcomes and to find certainty in yourself.
You don’t need to know the entire path forward. You just need to ground yourself in the simple, verifiable truth: “I’ve navigated change before. I can do it again.”
Take a moment to ground yourself in gratitude—in what you already have and who you’re already becoming. The more you trust your own ability to handle whatever comes, the less you need to know what’s coming next. Your internal resources are your ultimate safety net.
4. Curiosity is the Antidote to Worry.
Emotions are data, not directives.
When anxiety arrives, your instinct might be to push it away. Instead, practice inviting it in. Sit with it, as you would an old friend, and ask: "What are you here to teach me?"
Karla McLaren suggests practical, illuminating questions like these:
What brought this feeling forward?
What really needs to be done right now?
What are my current strengths and resources?
Do I need more information or support?
What’s one tiny task I can complete right now to feel a sense of agency?
Curiosity turns anxiety into insight. It transforms that noise in your head into actionable guidance.
Because if you don't tend to it, anxiety becomes constant, exhaustive worrying—a kind of preparation for failure that hasn’t happened. It steals the joy from your present moment, drains your energy, and creates problems that may, in fact, never exist.
So, Now What?
The next time anxiety arrives, pause and ask: What if this isn't something to fight, but something to listen to?
Check the four antidotes and determine your next move:
Acceptance: Do I need to accept what is so that I can see clearly and stop arguing with reality?
Exposure: Do I need to expose myself to something I've been avoiding to build self-trust?
Uncertainty: Do I need to embrace the unknown and trust that I have the internal resources to find my way?
Curiosity: Do I need to get curious and ask anxiety what it's truly trying to show me about my needs or fears?
What if anxiety isn’t here to stop you, but to shape you—guiding you back to presence, courage, and self-trust?
Perhaps the real cure isn’t about calming the storm, but learning how to stand still in the middle of it and remember who you are.
Here’s to leaning in,
Warm wishes,
Lori