The Gift Hidden Inside the People Who Push Your Buttons.
One of the most challenging aspects of leadership isn’t the strategy, systems, or even the long hours — it’s people.
Most of us are promoted into leadership because we’ve excelled in our roles. It feels like the logical next step. But suddenly, the skills that brought us success are no longer enough. The technical mountain we once climbed has been replaced by a new one — the people mountain.
Even the most seasoned leaders — those who can handle high-stakes decisions and navigate pressure with ease — will admit that dealing with different personalities can sometimes feel like their greatest challenge. Because no matter how experienced we are, we’re still human.
And sometimes, people push our buttons.
When People Become Our Greatest Teachers.
I once worked with a client — let’s call her Jodi. She was smart, capable, and deeply committed to her team. Yet, one colleague constantly rubbed her the wrong way. Every interaction left her drained and frustrated.
One day, I asked her a question that shifted everything:
“What if this person is here to teach you something about yourself?”
Silence. Then — a visible pause of reflection.
In that moment, she shifted from feeling like a victim of circumstance to becoming the architect of her own growth.
That experience reminded me of one of my greatest personal teachers — my son.
I’m a classic Type A personality and an Enneagram One, if you’re familiar with the system. I thrive on efficiency, planning, punctuality, and getting things done. My son, however, came into this world wired very differently.
When he was younger, our mornings before school were... let’s just say interesting. While I wanted everything to run like clockwork — breakfast, getting dressed, bag packed — he preferred what he affectionately called his “faff time.”
If he had five spare minutes, instead of finishing up, he’d flop onto his bean bag, play with the dog, or stare dreamily out the window. And truthfully, he always got it together — just not on my timeline.
I tried to teach him the “right” way: Finish first, then relax. But it used to drive me crazy.
Until one day, I realised — he was teaching me.
He was showing me how to slow down. How to bring joy and play into the process. He reminded me that getting things done doesn’t have to feel like a race. The result was the same — but his method was calmer, lighter, and a lot more fun.
For me, it’s not always easy to prioritise fun when there’s still work to be done. But he helped me see that efficiency without ease can sometimes rob us of presence.
So let me ask you:
Is there someone in your world who triggers you more than others? It could be a colleague, a family member, or even one of your children.
Notice how one person may feel “easier” because they’re more like you, while another constantly challenges you — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re different.
What if these people aren’t in your life to give you grey hairs — but to give you clarity? What if they are mirrors, showing you where you’re ready to grow next?
Here are tools from some of my favourite teachers:
Byron Katie: Turning the Mirror Inward.
Byron Katie’s powerful process of inquiry — known as “The Work” — helps us question the thoughts that create stress and conflict.
She invites us to examine any thought with four simple questions, ending with a “turnaround” — flipping the thought to reveal a deeper truth.
For example, if the thought is: “John should be kinder to me.”
The turnaround might become:
“I should be kinder to John.”
“I should be kinder to myself.”
Each turnaround opens a new doorway to truth and self-awareness.
When I feel frustrated by someone, I ask myself: What’s the thought behind this? Then I practice the turnaround. Often, the finger that’s pointing outward begins to point gently inward.
It’s not always easy to digest — but it’s incredibly freeing. Because the moment we see that our frustration might be revealing something about us, we reclaim our power.
Tony Robbins: Seeing Ourselves in Others.
Tony Robbins often says that what we dislike in others is often something alive within us — something we’ve disowned or denied.
If you’re irritated by someone who constantly seeks attention, ask yourself: “Where do I do that?”
Then list three examples.
If dishonesty frustrates you, reflect: “When have I not been completely honest — even in small ways — when it suited me?”
This practice is humbling, but it’s also humanising. It dissolves the judgment and helps us see that the qualities we criticise in others are often traits we’ve rationalised in ourselves.
From that space, compassion naturally arises — not necessarily agreement, but understanding.
Dr. John Demartini: What You Admire Lives Within You.
Dr. John Demartini teaches that what you admire in others is also a reflection of yourself — a trait that may simply be dormant or underdeveloped.
When clients tell me they admire leaders who make them feel seen and valued, or speakers who radiate confidence on stage, I remind them: you recognise it because it exists in you too.
One of my greatest inspirations is J.K. Rowling. Her imagination, resilience, and ability to turn words into a global legacy deeply move me. She reminds me to ask:
“What kind of legacy am I creating — one that continues to inspire and bring joy long after I’m gone?”
You may not be writing novels or leading empires, but you can still express creativity, courage, and connection in your own world. Start small — take a class, explore an idea, share your story. Every act of expression awakens something powerful within.
Awareness: The Lens Through Which You View the World.
The next time someone triggers you — pause. Ask yourself:
“What emotion is this really bringing up?”
Often, these moments stir old feelings of being unseen, unappreciated, or unsafe. These emotions might have roots in childhood, yet they still colour how we respond today.
Awareness is your greatest ally because you can’t change what you can’t observe. As Byron Katie reminds us, “Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.”
Many successful leaders still carry beliefs like “I’m not enough”, "Im invisible" or “I’m not taken seriously.” These thoughts create emotions — frustration, anxiety, even grief — that influence how they lead and connect.
When you begin to see these patterns, you have a choice: you can continue reacting from them, or you can rewrite them.
From Triggers to Transformation.
So, who are your teachers in disguise?
Think about the people who push your buttons the most. Instead of resisting them, try this:
Thank them. They are holding up a mirror to your growth.
Ask: What trait in them do I need to make peace with — or embody more of?
Reflect: What new truth might this situation be revealing about me?
The next time you find yourself venting about someone, pause before you speak. Ask the question:
“What if this person is showing me something I need to see about myself?”
That shift in perspective turns irritation into insight — and triggers into teachers.
Here’s to your growth and to embracing every mirror life holds up to you.
Warm wishes,
Lori