These Small Tweaks Will Lead to Huge Changes.

Change doesn't occur with one action but with consistent micro choices throughout your day. When I coach high performers, it is about the little tweaks that make the most incredible difference to help them shift from where they are to where they want to go.

Like a fine artist, one carefully placed brush stroke transforms the picture into a masterpiece. Here are some minor tweaks that can yield significant changes for you:

Don't be too attached to your routine.

I am a creature of routine and habit. I go to sleep at 9 pm and wake up at 5 am. Having a consistent routine is good, but it can also have the negative consequence of being inflexible.

If I have to do social dinners or work events that end late, I'm already put off, or I get sleep anxiety and worry about how I'll feel the next day if I don't get my usual seven to eight hours of sleep.

During my December break, my routine was turned upside down. Bedtime became between 10 pm and midnight! It was a huge comfort challenge but a reminder that although I couldn't control the routine, I had the choice of how to respond. The truth is that it takes a few days, and you adapt just as quickly (if you decide to embrace the change and not resist it).

I'm thrilled to be back into my regular routine now, but the experience has made me more open to different things, especially with the kids back at school. I tend to be quite militant with bedtimes and when they should be sleeping. It's often very different to when they do go to sleep.

When things take a little longer or fall outside my perfect plan, I have learned to soften and not get so attached to the timing. Being forced into a new way of doing things has resulted in me being a more relaxed and flexible version of myself, which is a great relief to me and those around me.

Can you soften around your routine and allow for some more flexibility? Exposure is the antidote to anxiety. Can you do it differently, even if it's one day per week or per month?

Meditate.

Before you assume that, I will talk about relaxation and being more mindful; meditation has provided an astounding and unexpected benefit – it's allowed me to make friends with failure.

Meditation provides a safe space to fail repeatedly. I intend to focus on my breath, but the mind does its own thing, and before I'm aware of it, I'm thinking about what I'm making for dinner or if I remembered to send that email.

Rather than criticise myself, I notice my mind has wandered off, name it with a simple phrase, 'thinking,' and go back to focusing on my breath. This pattern happens repeatedly, but it's taught me that I haven't failed, and the kinder and more forgiving I am towards myself, the more enjoyable the experience becomes.

Meditation has taught me that it's not about doing it perfectly but that showing up consistently will yield significant results. The beauty of meditation is that you are not expected to be perfect. Being imperfect is where your growth lies and where the magic happens.

It's easy to be calm and zen on the mat; how you take the practice into your day counts. Every time your mind wanders in meditation, noticing enables you to watch the self-talk of your inner critic as you go through your day. 'Failing' is what allows me to be in control of my reaction when I get triggered by someone.

 The key to a successful meditation session is adopting a gentle curiosity towards yourself rather than judgement and self-criticism.

If you take this approach to 'failure' in your life, you will move through any challenge with grace, strength, and, most importantly, self-compassion.

Don't take things personally.

A tiny tweak with a huge impact is to stop taking things personally. If someone isn't themselves and seems a bit off, rather than attributing it to something you did, remember that this person is living a story you know nothing about. Did they fight with a partner, get bad news, or get fired? You never know!

Even when someone is directly rude to you or snaps at you, take a pause and remind yourself, 'this isn't personal; it isn't about me and is all about them'. Why are they triggered? Why do they feel insecure? Are they asserting their dominance to inflate their ego? If they don't respond as you expect them to, accept them for who they are and not who you want them to be. 

This is expressed so beautifully in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements:

"Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up…"

Not taking something personally is hard, but when you can remove yourself from the story you have created about them, you will free yourself from external approval and validation. 

You cannot control what someone thinks of you, but you can choose to take it personally or let it go. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

When you do the right thing, life flows.

When clients ask me why they are feeling low, stressed, or lacking energy, I always ask them to think back to a time when they were at their best. What activities or hobbies were they doing, who were they spending time with and what self-care practices did they focus on?

When they think about it, there's a sparkle in their eye, and they tell me how they did meditation, martial arts, dancing, etc., but now they don't have time for it.

When you do the things that light you up and energise you, you will create enthusiasm and flow in your life. This is especially pertinent when a challenge shows up. In times of stress, the first thing to go is your self-care practice because you believe you don't have time. Your world shifts when you make time for yourself, even fifteen minutes daily.

A daily act of kindness for yourself will yield significant change.

Replace work/life balance with lifestyle design.

By now, you know work/life balance is a myth; it doesn't exist, and no one can give you work/life balance. It has to be created by you.

I came across the concept of Lifestyle Design in Tim Ferriss's book, The 4-Hour Workweek, in 2010. This was a complete eye-opener and changed how I structured my days. Lifestyle design is about deliberately constructing your day with the activities you want and how you want to feel throughout the day.

How can you design a day that optimises for contentment, enthusiasm and energy rather than stress and overwhelm?

How do you begin the process of lifestyle design? You can introduce two minor tweaks to make radical changes in your life – firstly, don't check your phone or messages as you wake up. The second is to start the day by asking yourself what you want to do today rather than what you should do today.

You may have set tasks to do but then do them your way with your unique flavour. Lifestyle design is about mindset and feeling in flow with your work.

To make lifestyle design effective, you must plan meticulously when and where you do your personal and work tasks.

Most people fear planning because it will restrict their freedom or creativity, but discipline is freedom. When you know precisely when and where you will work on your tasks, you are free to go to the gym mid-morning instead of peak times when you think 'you should' go then, even though it causes havoc in your schedule.

Choose one day per week and design it exactly as you want; exposure is the antidote to anxiety. Show yourself it works, and you can trust yourself to execute your plan. The more results you see, the more confident you are to take ownership of your calendar. Be the architect of your day rather than the victim of your calendar.

Final thoughts.

Change doesn't happen with one defining action but with consistent micro choices over time. Trying to implement all five at once will be too much; pick the one that resonates most with you and start there.

If you're a night owl and go to sleep at midnight, how about trying to sleep two hours earlier rather than watching Netflix?

If you still need to explore meditation, you can begin with two minutes of sitting quietly and focusing on your breath or use a guided meditation. How about driving to work without the radio to focus on your breath?

Can you take a step back and replace assumption with curiosity if you feel offended by someone?

What is that activity or hobby you wish you had more time for? You do have time. Now take the leap to schedule it into your calendar. You will feel better and wish you had started sooner.

Don't wait for someone to give you work/life harmony; design your days to optimise for energy, and you will see a significant return.

What's the one deliberate brushstroke that will create your masterpiece?

Here's to the little things,

Warm wishes,

Lori