Why Self-Awareness is The Ultimate Habit to Create Change.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle.

This quote has always been a favourite, but it is only accurate if the habit is positive.

What happens if you are stuck in a pattern of behaviour that doesn’t serve you, but you continue to repeat it?

It’s become so routine that you haven’t stopped questioning why you do it, if you enjoy it and if it plays a role in moving you towards or away from your goals and highest values.

Going back to Aristotle’s quote, I would argue that excellence is the self-awareness to let go of the habits that no longer serve you. As we move closer to the last quarter of the year, consider placing a new lens on the behaviours that may be holding you back:

Step 1: Identify the habit.

You cannot change something you are not even aware of. As Freud said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”

Begin with a simple enquiry:

What habits do I have that are serving me well?

What habits do I have that are no longer serving me?

Are there any habitual actions or thought patterns I take that often make me feel worse or stuck? For example, You may habitually catastrophise what will happen in the future with everything that might go wrong, keeping you in a cycle of worry.

The starting point is to make a list of all your daily habits. These can be physical and mental habits, but let’s start with the easy stuff.

What do you do when you wake up? Is there a specific order and way you would like your morning to unfold?

Do you check your phone and messages first thing, or do you start your day with meditation, journaling or prayer?

Are there habits and rituals for when you start work? Do you start by checking in with your colleagues, or is it straight to the inbox?

When you log into your computer for the day, what do you do? Do you go straight into emails, browse some articles, or act on your key priority? 

Do you default to browsing every news app when you feel overwhelmed by work? Ruminating and worrying are mental habits you may not be aware of. It feels like you are doing something productive because you have dedicated energy to it, but it’s procrastination in disguise. You do not have to act if you are caught up in thinking long enough.

As you go through your week, become aware of the rules you may have around your habits.

For example, do you only do specific activities on certain days or times of the day? Do you reserve certain habits only for weekends?

Write out a list of your rules and question whether they are serving you. Maybe your rule is that you cannot engage in recovery activities before 5 PM. Given the research that you should take micro-breaks every 50 minutes, this will only destroy your productivity and leave you in an energy deficit.

Perhaps you have told yourself that a glass of wine is the only way to unwind. This habit has become your go-to strategy and a safety blanket because what happens if you stop the wine and feel even worse?

Once you have identified the undesirable behaviour, you can move on to step two.

Step 2: Place this habit under a microscope.

Despite your best judgement, you know deep down that this habit isn’t serving you if you’re honest. But you keep it around because it meets a need. You wouldn’t do something if it weren’t serving you on some level.

All these habits serve as a means of protection in some way, serving a purpose for a time.

The question to ask is, what’s the real payoff for you? 

If you continually procrastinate and dig a little deeper, consider that the payoff gives you a mental break or a tool to avoid anxiety-inducing tasks that trigger fears of judgment or not being perfect.

Habits like binge-watching Netflix serve a need for variety, escapism and a means to connect with yourself.

No one said it has to make logical sense to indulge in these actions, but the more honesty and curiosity we can bring to these behaviours without judgment, the more we can begin to shift them.

Now that you have identified the habit and its payoff, it’s time to let it go.

Step 3: Let go of the old version of yourself.

This step may require you to go one level deeper. Letting go is more than just releasing a habit but letting go of the old version of yourself that no longer serves you. Perhaps you made up these rules and habits when you were much younger and in a different life stage. These habits served you then, but you find it difficult to accept that they are now hindering your progress.

The challenge is that we want to stay consistent with how we identify ourselves. Perhaps you identified yourself as the life of the party in your younger years, but now that you have a family, your priorities have changed. The hardest part about letting go of old habits is feeling incongruent with who you are.

Author of Atomic Habits, James Clear, says true behaviour change is identity change. Anyone can eat healthily once or twice or go for a walk now and then, but it is difficult to create sustainable change if the belief behind the behaviour is not changed.

Don’t go for a run, but call yourself a runner, meditator, or writer. You may feel like a fraud or inauthentic to yourself to change your identity without having a track record of running. The only way to convince yourself that you are changing is to take action. Every time you write, you create evidence that you are a writer.

Now ask yourself: What new habits would I like to create to redirect my attention from unhelpful to helpful ones that bring me more clarity, joy and ease?

With the example of catastrophising the future, when you habitually think about what might go wrong, now invite in the question, what could go well?

By repeating and practising a different response, you can create new grooves that work for you rather than go against you.

To let go of the old version of yourself, you must consider who you want to become.

Who is your future self? What if you could begin to live by design and not default? Perhaps you want to change careers or take on a role that requires public speaking. To allow yourself to step into that person, you need to drop the habit of avoiding speaking opportunities and instead show up for every opportunity that is available to you.

It is about being authentic to your future self, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Your present behaviours need to align with the person you are becoming.

Here are some journaling prompts to create a compelling future vision:

·        What needs to be different by this time next year for me to thrive in my work?

·        How would I like to describe myself a year from now?

·        How would I like to describe my home a year from now?

·        How would I like to describe my work life a year from now?

·        How would I like to describe my finances a year from now?

·        What would I like to have created a year from now?

·        How would I like to describe my headspace a year from now?

·        What are the future experiences I hope to create?

Step 4: Thank the habit.

Marie Kondo is a Japanese organising consultant and best-selling author. In her de-clutter process, she says we must pick up the article we want to get rid of and ask a simple question. Does it spark joy? If it sparks joy, you keep the item. If it doesn’t speak joy, you thank it for its service and then proceed to get rid of it or donate it.

It’s the same with your habits. Does it spark joy?

Maybe you decided your old ways of mid-week drinking or sleep deprivation are clashing with your new, updated version of valuing vitality, longevity and creativity.

Thank those habits and the part of you that served its purpose. But now, it’s time to move on swiftly.

When your mind defaults to expect the worst, thank it for its concern and then redirect your mind to – What could go well? What could I gain?

Give yourself permission to change your mind and update your habits to fit your current values and goals, but more importantly, to your future self’s goals.

Final thoughts.

Letting go of old habits doesn’t happen overnight, and you will fall off the wagon.

Imagine having train tracks embedded into your subconscious when creating new behaviour patterns and habits. They run deep. You can’t remove the old tracks, but you can always lay fresh ones on top.

You are only human and will fall back into old patterns now and then, especially when you feel stressed. Reverting to old ways is not a failure; it is human nature.

What matters is the self-awareness to notice you are back in old patterns and course-correct accordingly. The more self-aware you are about your triggers, the quicker you can recover when going down the old train tracks.

Growth shows up when you can catch yourself in the act sooner, laugh at yourself, forgive yourself, and then make sure the next choice is a better one.

To go back to where we started:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but having the self-awareness to let go of the habits that no longer serve us.”

Here’s to letting go.

Warm wishes,

Lori