Why Your Relationship with Certainty Determines Your Success in Change.

Change is not an event; it is the process of moving from certainty to uncertainty until the new change becomes the status quo.

Moving through this change process requires two key skills: changing your relationship with certainty and reframing your relationship with uncertainty from fear to opportunity.

I was talking to a group about resilience, and one woman stood up and said, 'Unless I know what is going to happen next, I cannot focus on anything else'. And I have no idea what's going to happen next. What must I do?'

This is exactly why changing your relationship to certainty is the starting point. We think it's the requirement to move into the unknown, but I have coached many people who want to move into new roles, but they are too attached to the certainty of the known to move.

Even though it's an amazing opportunity, the fear is – this is what I know. If I change, what if I'm not good enough, what if I fail and what if I'm judged?

We have three choices: We can stay in our comfort zone, move into the courage zone, or be forced into it either by circumstance or involuntarily.

What do you do in either situation to navigate yourself through the change?

The antidote to managing uncertainty is to create rituals for certainty in other areas of your life because certainty is a basic human need. We know there is little we can control, which is why it is so important to create parts in your day that you have complete autonomy over so you can let go of trying to control and predict everything else.

By establishing some predictable routines or practices that you can influence, you can create a sense of stability that makes navigating change easier.

Here are some suggestions to create vehicles for certainty to make the change transition a little smoother:

Planning.

When people tell me they're anxious and stressed, my first question is to check whether they actively plan their day or, if they arrive at the office, open their inbox and reactively respond to other people's urgencies.

Planning matters because it removes the anxiety of 'Will I get it all done?' When you can schedule your important tasks and block out time for yourself, you can see the roadmap to progress.

Planning is a powerful vehicle for certainty, but it is only effective if you keep your promise to yourself to work on your task in a dedicated time slot. It's protecting that time like a warrior and saying no when someone wants that precious piece of time real estate. It's time to start saying yes to yourself first.

You need to schedule time to plan; it doesn't just happen. While you're in planning mode, remember to include not only your work tasks but also your personal ones. That means putting yourself on the calendar and honouring it with the same importance as you would anyone else.

Exercise.

Ironically, when we experience challenges or stress, exercise is typically the first thing that is removed from the calendar.

Exercise is an incredible vehicle for creating certainty because emotion is created by motion. It's the vehicle for building self-trust and keeping the promises you make to yourself. You can plan your exercise slot the day before so you can set yourself up for success in advance.

If you want to go for a walk at 6 a.m. or 6 p.m., put out the clothes the night before or pack the gym bag so all you need to do is show up.

I prefer the mornings because they unfold more predictably. This does not need to be an hour; give yourself fifteen to twenty minutes so you can create the ritual of certainty. It's the knowing that no matter what else happens that day, at least you've already won the day.

If you've been telling yourself it's too cold and dark, well, now the seasons are changing. Can you commit to fifteen minutes of stretching or an online app in your lounge or garden?

It brings certainty because no matter what is happening, you have control over doing this for yourself. When you finish your session, you feel better, and these are the resources you can take into your day and apply this confidence capital to other areas of your life.

It's the feeling that I can't control this next meeting or even the outcome, but I have certainty in this ritual. It's there no matter what is going on.

Again, there is a common theme here. Exercise as a vehicle is transformational. Can you give yourself permission to follow through, show up and keep the promises to yourself? You do have time; you need to say yes to yourself and say no to other people's perceived urgencies.

Prayer/meditation.

Prayer and meditation are wonderful vehicles for certainty because they are rituals that allow the mind to be still. Even though thoughts zoom around your mind, they give you the opportunity to move into a mode of 'being' rather than constant 'doing'.

If you believe in a higher power or the universe, or whatever you call it, it's a place to ask for guidance and allow something greater to take over. It's a way to place your trust in something more than yourself and have the certainty that things are happening for a reason, no matter how challenging.

It is a ritual you can do anywhere, and if you're really under pressure, you can shorten it to three minutes.

Stress and anxiety are all about focus. When you can focus on your breath and notice when your mind has wandered, you show that you do have control over where you focus.

The true art is to take the practice off the mat and into your day. When your mind starts to speed up and you get into the anxiety zone of wanting to control everything, stop and insert a mental pause button. Interrogate the thoughts and then question if they are true.

Most of the time, irrational thinking and fears drive us. The practice of prayer and meditation allows you to interrupt your pattern and return to calm.

Certainty in yourself.

This is the greatest vehicle you could create because when you have certainty in yourself, you are unstoppable. Confidence is the belief in yourself that you will always figure things out and make a plan.

Acknowledge your wins to build confidence. Don't focus on what you haven't achieved yet; instead, measure backward from where you started.

What would your twenty-year-old self say about you today? Look at what you have created for yourself and how far you have come. Savour where you are now rather than try to catapult yourself into the future and the next goal.

When you have an inherent belief that no matter what shows up, you will deal with it with grace and courage, then there is nothing that you cannot work through.

Certainty in your past.

Similar to certainty in yourself is certainty in your past. Even if it's a past you may not be grateful for now, how did it happen for you? Who are you today because of it? How can you use your past to create certainty in the present? Reflect and journal on these questions:

·       Where have I experienced challenges?

·       How did I deal with it?

·       What did I learn?

·       Knowing what I do now, what would I do differently?

·       How has my previous experience set me up to better navigate this change?

·       What do I need to remember now to move ahead with grace and courage?

Hobbies/creative outlets.

Any outlet that allows your mind to wander or move into your zone of creativity is always going to be a wonderful asset to your change journey.

Some great options include reading, gardening, cleaning or organising, sports, coding, designing, art, baking, painting, writing, hiking, martial arts or fill-in-the-blank.

If you're unsure what it is for you, what would you do if you were given a whole day off without family or work? What would you love to do?

Now, schedule in time into the week and weekend, even if it's for twenty minutes.

Don't wait for everything to be okay to do the things that energise you and bring you joy. We need it most in times of challenge.

Final thoughts.

Change is difficult, especially the changes we didn't opt in for.

Rather than trying to predict or control everything external, focus on what you can influence.

The more areas of your life you have control over, the easier it is to let go of the things you don't.

Stress and anxiety are all about managing your focus. When you want to control your external world or predict the future, pause and breathe.

Then, shift your focus to what you can control, even if it's the first fifteen minutes of the day.

At least these can unfold predictably, leaving you with a sense of power and trust in yourself, which is the ammunition needed to navigate the day.

When you find yourself back in the focus of the unknown, give yourself the ultimate certainty of faith and trust that whatever is happening now is happening for you and not to you.

However insurmountable the change feels, trust it is for your growth, and something positive will come from it even if you can't see it now.

Here's to embracing change in all forms,

Warm wishes,

Lori