3 Unexpected Ways to Build Trust with Your Team.

What if building trust meant you had to engage in consistent behaviour that makes you uncomfortable in the short term but goes a long way to building trust with others in the long term?

What if building trust means you have to demonstrate it first?

What if that means being vulnerable?

Depending on your personality type, this is going to trigger you in many ways because, for some, the belief is that vulnerability equals weakness. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Vulnerability doesn't mean you need to share something deeply personal if that's not your nature, but it does mean you need to bring the human side to leadership. It means revealing that you are imperfectly perfect, and this permits others to do the same.

If people don't trust you, they move into what Amy Edmonson calls The Zone of Anxiety. This is based on having a culture of high standards and low psychological safety; in other words, when there is a mistake, people stay silent or observe quietly for fear of retribution if they speak up.

Here are three things you can do to build trust that will yield a return on your discomfort:

Be a proud 'I don't knower'.

Many leaders believe that 'I'm supposed to know it all', but this is not possible or realistic.

It feels counterintuitive, but admitting you don't know everything builds your credibility, not diminishes it. If the dreaded moment happens where you don't know the answer, rather than fumble your way through it, consider this:

'That's an excellent question. Let me do some research, and I'll get back to you. Or, you've given me something to think about; let me give it some thought, and I'll come back to you.' Then, make sure you follow up.

Honesty builds credibility; trying to know it all when you don't will create doubt.

Eileen Fisher is an American fashion designer and entrepreneur, and she shares how her mindset of being a proud 'I don't knower' has contributed to her success and building not only trust but knowledge:

"I've always been a 'don't knower'. I've always been very comfortable saying, 'I don't know.' As a result, there's a sense of openness. When you don't know, and you're really listening intently, people want to help you. They want to share."

The next time you fear not having the answer, remind yourself to be a proud ' I don't knower'.

Own your mistakes.

Mistakes and failures are not bugs of learning but features. It's not if a mistake will happen but when. The tendency is to fear mistakes because what if I'm judged or they see me as inadequate? However, how you deal with a mistake can boost your brand equity and allow you to show up as an even more credible team player.

It's calling the customer or the stakeholder to let them know what happened and explain what you are doing to fix it. It's providing regular updates even when there is no news yet and letting them know you don't have any feedback, but you're going to keep them informed regularly.

It's managing people's expectations so they trust you to navigate them through the unknown.

Think about a bad restaurant experience where the orders were messed up, but they brought complimentary desserts to the table. You left a fan because of how they handled it; it's the same with you. To create raving fans, own your mistakes and use them as an opportunity to demonstrate your credibility.

As Winston Churchill said: 'Never let a good crisis go to waste'.

Equally, do you make it safe for others to fail? To build a strong, cohesive team, people need to know that it's okay to make a mistake. It's not about excusing accountability but making sure it's a learning opportunity for both of you, understanding what their barrier to success was, and how you can better support them.

Own your accountability.

If you really want to advance your vulnerability mission, ask yourself, 'Where did I contribute?'

As much as you're adamant it had nothing to do with you, there is a part that was played. I had a client who was furious that someone in the team had dropped the ball and never completed work, leaving her to finish it at the last minute.

I asked her, 'Knowing what you know now, what could you have done differently?'. She admitted she assumed the person knew what to do and assumed they had the correct templates. My client admitted that she should have checked in sooner for reviews rather than leaving it to the last minute.

Building trust means owning your part so the other person can equally own theirs. The conversation is not about blame but curiosity and ownership, leaving constructive conversation on how to ensure history does not repeat itself.

Ask for help.

People fear asking for help because they believe that they will look weak and break others' trust.

Other beliefs about asking for help are that I'll be a burden on others or that I am supposed to have it all figured out on my own before I reach out for help. Although this may be a belief, it is not the truth.

Asking for help is a way to extend trust to others; it's a way to make other people feel significant because they feel heard and important.

Eileen Fisher shares that, "It turns out that my greatest obstacles were actually my greatest strengths. Being a 'don't knower' allowed me to get great advice from many experts and successful business leaders."

Asking for help means inviting guidance and input from those you trust.

To extend trust, share your needs and what you want. When the belief is that asking for help is a weakness, most people expect others to know what they want, get upset when people don't magically read their minds, and then live in a constant mode of disappointment.

When you believe someone has disappointed you, consider how you act towards them. The very thing you are trying to avoid is created – more tension and distrust.

Can you have the courage to tell people what you need so they can meet your needs in the way you need them met?

Final thoughts.

The antidote to fearing vulnerability is courage. As Brene Brown says:

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness."

Can you find the courage to allow people to see the real you?

The ultimate courage to build trust is to extend it.

You can extend trust by letting go of certain tasks that you believe only you can do. What if you extended trust by growing others and allowing them to fail and make mistakes along the way?

You can extend trust by inviting feedback and allowing others to be seen and heard. Eileen Fisher created a wonderful environment for her team with her philosophy, a voice in every chair.

"We want to make sure that every chair has a voice. It's about creating a culture where everyone feels heard and valued."

Similarly, this was done at Pixar in their 'Brain Trust' meetings, where the whole company would sit in the boardroom and review their latest movie while still in progress. Everyone, from the most junior in the room to the most senior, shared their views but with the intention of respect and being candid.

Some of their best ideas came from these meetings, not only from the most senior or creative person. When you can extend trust by allowing everyone to have a voice, you will not only create an incredible team but also be a true leader in their minds and hearts.

Here's to embracing vulnerability,

Warm wishes

Lori