Ask Yourself These 7 Questions To Reveal Your Personal Mastery.

The key to personal mastery is not found in other people's books or courses.

We often think that other people have the solutions to our problems, but I have learned that the answers you seek are found in the questions you ask yourself.

Here are some of my favourite journaling questions I have collected throughout my career as a coach and trainer. As Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, says, I don’t know what I’m thinking until I write it down.

What season am I in?

This may sound like a strange question, but it can be the difference between resentment and acceptance.

I had a client who was frustrated that she wasn’t achieving what she thought was acceptable at her stage of life, to the point of being incredibly critical and intolerant.

She told me that she had a toddler, and her mom was also ill. This is why the question – what season are you in is so crucial to provide perspective.

The season she’s in means her focus and time are in the right place—her family. When dealing with these situations, you can't control the amount of time available, and naturally, you will not accomplish as much as you would in an easier season.

Depending on the season, give yourself a break. This is where the tools of planning and deliberate action are crucial, as this is something you can control, as well as self-care. When it's a tough season, this is when self-remembering is more critical than ever.

Remind yourself to move into acceptance and do the best you can with the resources available. Most important, it is not permanent and will change.

Like nature, the seasons change in their own imperfectly perfect way. You just need to trust the process.

What do I associate with pleasure in the short term that creates pain in the long term?

Anything we do is motivated to avoid pain and seek pleasure. If you associate exercise with pain, you will create an excuse to avoid it.

If you're honest, what are you doing that is creating pain long term? For example, procrastination. It may be an escape from discomfort today, but in the long term, it’s costing you your reputation and, most likely, your dreams.

It’s the same as hitting the snooze button; it gives you an extra ten minutes of sleep, but by saying yes to snoozing, you’re saying no to the promise you made to yourself.

Something interesting to consider is binge-watching Netflix series; I had a client who shared that they spent over five hours a day watching. When we unpacked why, it was because it gave her a way to connect with herself. After the first two hours, it stops being pleasurable because deep down, you know it's an excuse for avoiding life, and it turns into pain.

You may not binge-watch a series for five hours, but think about what habit you have that if replaced with something healthier but perhaps not as comfortable initially, like exercise, can create so much joy, confidence, and success for you in the long term.

If you could travel in time to your future self, what question would you ask them?

Your future self is a wiser, more self-aware version of yourself. I often wish I could transport the patience I learned in my forties to my early thirties when I had my kids.

If you could meet yourself in ten years, what knowledge and gifts have they acquired that you could really use now?

Asking questions to your future self is an interesting thought experiment that can provide valuable insights and perspective on your current situation and decisions. Here are some thought-provoking questions you could consider:

·     What habits or decisions am I making today that you're most grateful for?

·     What opportunities do you wish I had taken that I might be overlooking now?

·     What relationships should I be investing more time in?

·     What skills or knowledge have become most valuable to you that I should start developing now?

·     What fears or insecurities am I currently letting hold me back?

·     What health choices am I making that you wish I had approached differently?

·     What career moves or pivots have been most impactful for you?

·     What financial decisions do you wish I had made differently?

·     What personal growth areas should I be focusing on more?

·     What risks do you wish I had taken that seemed too daunting at the time?

·     How has your perspective on work-life balance changed, and what adjustments should I make?

·     What seemingly small decisions or actions have had the biggest positive impact on your life?

·     What do you know now about happiness and fulfilment that I should understand sooner?

·     What creative pursuits or passions do you wish I had explored earlier?

·     How has your definition of success changed, and how should that influence my current goals?

The question to really ponder is, what are you still saying yes to that your future self wishes you would say no to?

When you get to the stage you are aiming for, what does it look like?

Before you answer this question, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, "What do I want?" Then, imagine it in 4D and surround sound.

If you could take a picture of yourself at this ideal stage, what would you see?

Consider what you feel as you navigate the day. Do you want to move from anxiety to calm confidence and genuinely not get phased by things outside of your control?

If you don’t know what you want, how will you know what to say yes to and what to focus on?

Equally, it guides you on what to say no to, especially the things you do want but don't align with your future vision.

Self-mastery begins with honesty. Be real about what you want, not the life your parents or friends think you should have.

Remember, it will also change. It is not permanent, and that doesn’t mean you won't grow past this point. As Benjamin Hardy says:

“Decisions and actions are best when reverse-engineered from a desired outcome. Start with what you want and work backward. Think and act from your goal, rather than toward your goal.”

Now, from this place, act 'as if'.

What traits do I admire most in others, and how have I disowned them?

The traits we admire in others are the traits we have within ourselves but have disowned. For example, you might admire someone’s confidence and ease with how they present in meetings.

Are you trying too hard to be perfect and behave the way you think you should? What if you trusted yourself and created conversations, not performances?

I am in awe of J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. I am constantly astounded by her imagination and how she created an empire, from masterful books to entire attractions at Universal Studios.

I am not saying I have a fiction series waiting to be birthed, but I am inspired to ask myself what I can create that can have an impact or even to think beyond my perceived limits. It reminds me that I am a creative person, and I thrive when I am in creation mode for my writing or new presentations and workshops.

I love to create something that didn’t exist, and I have immense joy when I present it and create new experiences for my clients and their teams.

Now, take a moment and ask yourself: What traits are you neglecting, and how can you tap into them?

What thought would I need to believe for change to happen?

You are what you think about.

What thoughts narrate your day, and who is narrating it? Is it the inner critic or the inner coach?

If you want to start a new business or have a side hustle, for example, you may need to believe that I am capable of doing this.

If you want to be more confident in speaking up in meetings, you need to believe that you bring value and that you are the subject matter expert. It’s forgetting your fears that everyone will judge you and believing that you are a contribution.

If you’re not sure where to start, write out a list of current beliefs that are not serving you and identify the ones that, if you shifted them, would permit you to make progress on your goals.

What am I under-investing in?

To find the answer to this, ask yourself: What excites me?

Or if I gave you a day off with no work or family to disturb you, what would you spend your time on? And Netflix is not a suitable answer.

Are you under-investing time with family or pursuing a creative pursuit or hobby?

Are you under-investing in your personal growth and development?

Are you under-investing in fun and relaxation?

Whatever it is for you, the next step is to give yourself permission to act on it and value the time spent on something that is just for you. Don’t attach an outcome to the time spent; the return on the investment is your happiness.

Investing time in something for yourself generates energy and joy; from this place, you can show up as your best self in all your roles.

Final thoughts.

Self-mastery is a journey and not a destination.

The way to start is with a notebook and pen. Don't think your way to your answers; put pen to paper and write. You don't need to show anyone, and no one is judging your handwriting.

Self-mastery is a synonym for knowing yourself, and this means being OK with spending time by yourself. You don't need to do them all in one sitting; start with one and see where it takes you.

·     What season am I in?

·     What do I associate with pleasure in the short term that creates pain in the long term?

·     If you could travel in time to your future self, what question would you ask them?

·     When you get to the stage you are aiming for, what does it look like?

·     What traits do I admire most in others, and how have I disowned them?

·     What thought would I need to believe for change to happen?

·     What am I under-investing in?

I hope they bring you some insights, aha moments and permission to do things differently if that is what is required.

Then, create your next set of questions and keep going.

In the words of Carl Jung:

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

Here’s to self-mastery,

Warm wishes,

Lori