5 Habits That Prevent You From Creating Work/Life Harmony.

Work-life balance is a myth. It didn't exist before Covid, and it certainly does not in this new normal of hybrid work.

Let's be more realistic and aim for work/life harmony.

My definition of harmony is presence minus guilt. In other words, if you're working, be entirely focused on your work without any guilt about not being with your loved ones. When you're with your family or taking time away from your work, stop the mental tug of war that you should be at work.

This sounds easy in theory, but it's not. Covid has been the catalyst to adopt habits that completely sabotage the harmony you deserve.

The good news is that you are in control of changing these habits.

Here are five habits you need to be aware of and drop to create harmony between your work and personal life:

 You focus on who you are being versus becoming.

The hardest part of starting a new habit is justifying the time spent on the activity. You know you want to change, whether that's taking more time to exercise, meditate, study or even indulge in relaxation activities like colouring or scrapbooking.

When it comes to making time in your calendar to take action, you back out because the inner critic pipes up to remind you that you don't have time for this; how can you spend time on these sorts of activities when you have real work to do!

Even though the activity will bring you joy and the objective is to create harmony, your focus is on who you are being. You tell yourself you are wrong, lazy, distracted or wasting time. This self-talk unravels any enjoyment you could and should get from this time.

To create harmony and change, how about shifting the focus to who you are becoming as a result of this new habit.

If your goal is to have more energy for the kids, learn a new skill or become more present, then you need to experience the discomfort of doing something that has no direct reward in the present moment.

The rewards are a future gain; you may only see the benefits in a few days or months. Learning new skills and habits requires trust in the process. You need to remind yourself why you are making time for these activities and who you are becoming in the process.

You enable harmony in the activity when you remind yourself you are becoming healthier, happier or more proficient. Dedicate this time to your future self and stop worrying about taking action, but rather what will your future self be like without action?

You're stuck in mental multitasking.

The last two years have a theme song with a chorus including the words survival and grind. It's what you've practiced for the last two years and has become a habit that's etched deep into your mode of being.

Harmony requires presence, not just focusing on the now but pure focus and attention on the task in front of you. When you decide to focus on a task, your default mode is to question what else you could or should be doing.

The next thing you know, you're multitasking on several things, from surfing the web during a Zoom call to checking your emails while on the phone.

Physical multitasking is one thing, but mental multitasking is exhausting. It's the reason you may find yourself in a constant brain fog despite having a good night sleep.

Harmony can only be created when you allow yourself to be content with whatever task you have chosen for the period. Then you need to get strategic and use your calendar to steer the game of mental tug-of-war.

I experienced this when I came back from my December break. I had to write a new blog, send a proposal, and get out a few pressing emails. I was bouncing around my desktop and made no constructive progress.

 I went back to basics and used my calendar to direct my nomadic mind.

I set the alarm for 45 minutes to write my blog and made peace with whatever came out of the session. Then the next chunk of time was dedicated to the proposal, allowing me some space to prepare for an upcoming meeting.

Without structure and the self-awareness to honour your progress, you will continue to second guess yourself and deprive yourself of the joy that comes with creating micro wins. It could be the first slide of your presentation or ten minutes of walking.

Once you have progressed on any given task, it frees up mental energy to move on with a feeling of victory and satisfaction.

You're ashamed of simplicity.

Simplicity has a bad wrap.

It's as if having a 'normal' life has become a failure or settling because every influencer on social media is preaching how fame and fortune is the key to happiness. There's nothing wrong with huge goals, but it needs to be your goal, not peer pressure from the outside world.

My perspective shifted when I listened to business magnate Dan Lok's podcast. He said don't waste your time trying to be famous; instead, become indispensable within your community. Create a reputation for being the go-to person within your field and being famous for your expertise.

I don't mean fame as in media appearances and having a million followers but being so good at what you do that you become associated as the expert and leader in that specific industry.

It's not about getting approval from the outside world but being able to make a real contribution to the people you seek to serve. This is the kind of simplicity you should strive for because it allows for mastery within your world and on your terms.

Your work does not define simplicity. It could be having a great family or a circle of friends that you can count on unconditionally. Simplicity means having a job you love and weekends where you get to live your passion and work on your side-hustle.

When you honour simplicity and the life you have built for yourself, you create a space of harmony because you can finally drop the feeling that you're not there yet or where you think you should be.

My blueprint of simplicity is contributing and doing meaningful work and having the afternoons with my kids with a free headspace. That means I can be fully present with them without stress or feeling like I need to be somewhere else.

I've come to appreciate a peaceful headspace as my ultimate victory, and I make decisions that will further this mental state rather than hinder it.

Let's celebrate simplicity and create the life you want, not what you think you should have.

You're resisting reality.

You can have the most perfectly planned day, and life has its own agenda. Whether this is a sick child, parent, your laptop crashes, or an unexpected crisis shows up out of nowhere.

On these days, remember the mantra 'this is on the way, not in the way'.

Resisting reality will only frustrate you and drain all the harmony from your world. I'm not saying use positive psychology and tell yourself everything is lovely but at least surrender to reality.

If you keep persisting that this shouldn't be happening and you should be working on your document instead of driving to the doctor, you will make yourself miserable and everyone else around you.

Remind yourself that this situation is on the way, even if you can't understand the exact reason why. Get curious – is it here to teach you something? Even if it's doing a mandatory school lift, rather than resent it, see it as an opportunity to connect to your kids or at least get some quiet time in the car. At the worst, it's a change of environment.

You're placing your self-worth on your work alone.

Harmony is achieved when you find a way to value all the different roles you play. If you only allow work to give you a sense of confidence and achievement, what happens in the weeks when you can't get as much done as you intended due to external circumstances?

During our first lockdown in March 2020, I had an incredibly tough time reconciling how little time I had for my work when I had to homeschool my kids. It affected my confidence because I only valued the number of workshops I gave or the number of meetings I had in the week.

You can imagine the lack of harmony I was feeling during this time. Only when I placed equal value on the contribution I was making to my family could I let go and embrace the situation and enjoy it. You can enable harmony during these challenging times when you remind yourself that the situation is temporary.

The way to harmony is to honour every role you play – from parent, partner, friend, child, sibling. Every role allows you to demonstrate a specific skill set and generate a whole series of new lessons. Perhaps your role as a friend builds your empathy muscle, and your role as a parent allows you to shape and mould your kids, giving you a sense of contribution.

Work and life cannot be separated, so equally, your self-worth should not be split into various boxes.

Final thoughts.

Forget trying to strive for balance; the good news is it doesn't exist. Harmony is the ultimate freedom because it isn't a one-size-fits-all approach. Harmony can be moulded to fit into your unique world.

To achieve harmony in your life, refrain from the following habits:

·        Focusing on who you are being versus becoming.

·        Practicing mental multitasking.

·        Feeling ashamed of simplicity.

·        Resisting reality.

·        Placing your self-worth on your work alone.

Here's to your perfect version of harmony,

Warm wishes

Lori