How to Own Your Day With a Calendar of Back-to-Back Meetings.
Back-to-back meetings feel somewhat contradictory considering the research available on the importance of taking regular physical and mental breaks, self-care and the negative impact on productivity.
The truth is, the work is not slowing down this year, and most likely, the demands of meetings are not disappearing anytime soon.
How can you start 2022 from a place of power and own your days instead of feeling that they own you?
Rather than focus on the things you can't change, focus on the elements you can control in your day. Here are six things you can do to take control of your world despite a calendar of back-to-back meetings:
Own the first hour of your day.
“A rational person can find peace by cultivating indifference to things outside of their control”. — Naval Ravikant
No matter the situation or circumstances, you can always control the first hour of your day. Phrases like 'win the morning, win the day' have become clichés, but with any good cliché, there is truth to it.
The first hour will always unfold more predictably because your family is asleep and work has not begun. A morning routine doesn't need to happen at 5 AM; how about training yourself to wake up 30 minutes earlier than your current time slot?
If this feels impossible because you are juggling kids in the morning, then own the first ten minutes of your day. No matter how busy you are, I know you can find ten minutes.
The point is to carve out a dedicated space of time for yourself so you can put yourself into a peak state for the day. Replace the habit of checking your phone first thing as you wake up because this launches you into a reactive mode. Your focus is immediately on other people's urgencies rather than your own.
You can even ditch the phrase of a morning routine and replace it with a ritual. A ritual can even be a few minutes but done consistently over time; you will reap the same rewards.
Your ritual can be as simple as writing down three things you are grateful for, doing five minutes of mindful breathing, stretching, reading, prayer, or exercise.
What you do is less important; you want to create the system of waking up earlier to make progress on what matters most to you.
If you don't take ownership of the first hour of your day, everybody else will.
How about beginning your day by making your bed? This seemingly insignificant ritual is the catalyst to create a positive trajectory for the rest of the day; it is the first domino piece that will trigger a series of better choices. If all else goes pear-shaped that day, at least you made your bed.
Let's simplify it further; how about starting your day with two words — thank you. If your default is to wake up and panic about everything that has to happen that day and how will you ever get it all done, you are triggering a state of anxiety and stress.
If you begin your day with gratitude, you are triggering a state of calm, joy and contentment.
Rituals are not exclusive to self-care activities. You can create this special time with yourself with a morning cup of coffee, whether made at home or collected from your favourite coffee shop. In challenging times, it's incredible how much joy can be generated from the little things in life.
Own the last hour of your day.
“There are two ways to be. One is at war with reality and the other is at peace”. — Byron Katie
At this point, you know your days may not have the flexibility you would like with this collage of online meetings, but you always have ownership of the last hour of your day.
Avoid checking your Inbox in the last hour before bed because this habit increases stress levels and creates a wandering mind that doesn't help you fall asleep.
What if your last hour of the day was something you began to look forward to? A ritual to allow yourself to wind down and detach from the day?
How about replacing the habit of checking your phone with the habit of reading? If you are not usually a fiction reader, how about introducing some complete escapism for your mind? Give yourself some much-needed adventure and novelty from the comfort of your bed.
You can also insert a gratitude practice noting three to five amazing things that happened in your day. This practice rewires your brain to look for joyous moments in your day rather than focus on what is missing.
When you end your day from a place of gratitude, you will feel lighter and release the anxiety from the day, enabling a solid night of peaceful sleep.
Beware habits that provide a false sense of control.
In your attempt to seek control over your world, you may do things that provide comfort to you in your evening routine, but it's a false sense of control and possibly self-sabotaging.
Consider the habit of snacking after dinner, especially when you are reaching for chocolate and other comfort foods. It's an instant boost of relief in the moment; it makes you feel good but is it helping you towards your other goals?
I have a client who replaced the habit of snacking on chocolate in her kitchen with watching a TED talk with a favourite herbal tea for ten minutes in her lounge. She looked forward to this new ritual with no guilt and progressed towards her personal development goals.
Do you have any destructive habits you would like to shift? What can you do to offer yourself a healthier form of ownership over your day?
You can also use your evening routine to set your morning up for success. Think ahead about what you would like to do in the morning and plan accordingly. Can you leave out exercise clothes, download the app, get the username and password, and have a book or journal ready?
By introducing a simple planning ritual, you set yourself up for success.
Own your focus.
“Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love — is the sum of what you focus on.” — Cal Newport
When you obsessively check the news feeds, you give yourself a false sense of control. Of course, you need to know what is happening in the world, but your focus is on negativity, panic, overwhelm, and igniting a sense of helplessness in you.
Every time you hit refresh, you also charge your body with a fresh dose of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Beware of checking your social media feeds as a default habit between your meetings. The next time you find yourself hitting refresh, make sure you follow positive and inspiring people and not only check who liked your post for a quick hit of dopamine.
Worrying is a mental habit that provides a false sense of control. We have all felt more powerless than ever during this pandemic, and often worrying provides a false sense of action. Although this habit gives you some comfort, it creates an energy leak and drains your battery.
In Chip Conley's book, Emotional Equations, he suggests you do an anxiety audit when you feel overwhelmed. The audit includes four factors:
What I know — consider your knowledge, current network, past experiences.
What I don't know - who has gone through something similar and can provide advice?
What I can influence — focus on these aspects, no matter how seemingly insignificant.
What I can't control — just let it go.
Remember, you can never control someone's reaction in a courageous conversation, but you can always plan ahead. Think through what you want to say and the desired outcome of the conversation. Stop imagining the worst-case scenario and bringing it back to the present moment and living as if it is reality.
Sometimes, all you can control in the moment is your breath. One mindful breath is enough to insert a mental pause button so you can respond rather than react.
Own your thoughts.
“You feel the way you think. When you can change the way you THINK, you can change the way you FEEL” — David D. Burns
When you feel like the victim of your calendar, remember you always have the choice to control your inner world.
Owning your headspace begins with owning your thoughts. Your self-talk and what you communicate to yourself has a significant impact on how you project yourself to the rest of the world.
If the inner critic takes over the show and tells you that you are not enough, you will feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and fearful.
If the inner critic narrates how busy you are and how useless your meetings are, you will show up to them feeling resentful and apathetic.
When you can interrupt your negative thinking pattern and channel your inner cheerleader, you will create feelings of optimism, joy, and happiness. It doesn't mean you will experience sunshine and rainbows every day, but your self-talk will determine the way you navigate these challenging moments.
Instead of telling yourself, 'how could you be so stupid?', adopt a learning mindset and ask yourself — 'what is this here to teach me, and what can I learn from this?'
Gratitude is the one thing you can always rely on to help steer your thinking away from overwhelm and anxiety. It is what you know but seems to fall off the radar when you need it most.
It is the one practice you can turn to no matter what, and it will never let you down.
Own your state.
In the book 'The Four Sacred Secrets' by Preethaji and Krishnaji, they pose a powerful question:
“Recognise the state in which you have spent most of the past year. If this state were to become your mental and emotional baseline for the rest of your life, would you be a happy person or an unhappy person? Please see the truth.”
The book differentiates between a beautiful state and a suffering state. Suffering refers to stress, overwhelm, anxiety and frustration.
A beautiful state is defined as "serenity, happiness, gratitude, love or courage. The essence of a beautiful state is the absence of conflicting mental chatter, a greater presence to life, and a richer connection to the people around you."
On days when you can't even see a drop of white space on your calendar, you can create a beautiful state by owning your physiology.
State control is body awareness.
In addition to controlling your mindset, you can also control your body language and posture to catapult you into a beautiful state.
If you sat hunched over and closed off, your physiology will signal to yourself and others a sense of anguish. If you hold yourself upright, your shoulders back, and a big smile on your face, you are triggering a different biochemical reaction in the body.
Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy says:
'The way you carry yourself is a source of personal power. In this context, it doesn't mean we will always get the result we desire; instead, it means that we will come away from every interaction feeling that we fully and accurately represented who we are and what we want.'
If you conducted a body language audit right now — how are you sitting? Are your arms folded or resting on your chair? Are your shoulders hunched or upright? Is your jaw clenched or relaxed?
The more awareness you can bring to your body language, the more you can trigger a beautiful state. Amy reminds us that we tend to sit in a powerless posture way more often than we realise.
In the endless meeting marathon, you may find yourself feeling depleted, resentful and overwhelmed. If the meetings are out of your control, what can you do in addition to your posture?
The breath is the most powerful tool to shift your physiology and change your state. When you feel anxious, you tend to breathe more shallow in the chest region, which triggers a stress response in the body.
When you bring awareness to your breath and focus on taking deep belly breaths, it neutralises the adrenaline in your body and calms you down instantly.
Can you create a ritual of taking a few slow deep breaths between your meetings? Or even if you are launching from one to the next, you can take a few breaths during the meeting.
No matter what is going on in your life, you can always control your physiology, bringing instant control over your inner world.
Own your intention.
“Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be”. — Sonia Ricotti
Despite the meeting mayhem, you get to set your intention for who you want to be and how to show up.
If you committed to the meeting, honour the obligation to show up fully present and engaged. Set your intention ahead of the meeting by gaining clarity about the desired outcome of each meeting:
What do you want people to know, feel, and do due to your contribution to the meeting?
What skill do you want to demonstrate?
What energy do you want to bring to the meeting?
What would make this an extraordinary meeting?
How can you move the team's energy from coping and fear to direction, collaboration, alignment and excitement to perform again?
Now align your actions, and you'll be amazed how your energy and engagement levels soar.
Final thoughts.
Meetings are here to stay, whether they are virtual or in-person. When you shift your focus to the things within your control, you change your days.
If you cannot control all your hours, remember you have dominion over the first and last hour of the day. Or at the very least, the first and last ten minutes of the day.
If you cannot control the number of meetings in your calendar, you can control how you show up to them.
No matter what happens, you can always control your breath. One mindful breath inserts a mental pause button to respond rather than react. You have the freedom to decide how you want to feel, think, and act from this place, which is the ultimate control.
Here's to owning your days,
Warm wishes
Lori