5 Ideas to Help You Create Better Habits.
Your habits are the micro choices you make throughout the day. Each choice dictates your thoughts, feelings and actions.
If you choose to check your phone as you wake up, you trigger a reactive state and begin your day with habitual anxiety by focusing on other people's urgencies.
Suppose you decide to delay gratification by checking your phone and instead do some yoga, meditation or exercise. In that case, you start your day in a peak state because you have mastered the habit of showing up and keeping the promise you make to yourself, and this is where confidence comes from.
Habits are not a simple formula, and so many factors and triggers are at play. Here are some ideas you may have yet to be aware of to help you make more consistent choices and keep the promises you make to yourself.
Change your identity.
Author of Atomic Habits, James Clear, says true behaviour change is identity change. You will not create permanent change if you don't shift the belief along with the new behaviour.
The difference is not how you see the new behaviour but how you see yourself. Rather than say you're going for a walk, call yourself a walker, a reader, or a meditator. Every time you take action, no matter how small, you create evidence for your new identity.
If you want to stop habits like procrastinating, worrying, smoking or being perpetually late, you must decide who you want to be. Spend some time journaling with the prompt:
I'm the kind of person who….
· I'm the kind of person who shows up on time.
· I'm the kind of person who is healthy and energetic.
· I'm the kind of person who focuses on gratitude, not what's missing.
· I'm the kind of person who keeps their promises and is reliable.
Now you'll need to ensure your actions align with the person you are becoming.
Create a positive association with the new behaviour.
All motivation is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. If you have been battling to start a new exercise routine, consider what you associate with exercise. Is it words like painful, sacrifice or exhausting?
It's the same when people want to lose weight but can't keep to their committed eating program. They associate a particular way of eating with punishment, sacrifice, boredom or restriction.
The way to find a new meaning for the activity in question is to associate it with pleasure and a tangible benefit. Perhaps you dread waking up early because you associate it with the fear of being tired all day and losing sleep.
If you have created a sustainable habit and shown yourself that waking up twenty minutes earlier gives you more energy, you will begin to enjoy the new routine, which becomes a habit. The challenge is to persevere long enough even when there is no initial result because this is where the magic happens.
In other words, you have to endure that initial period of waking up early and feeling tired while you are building your new habit and allowing the benefit of the exercise practice to work. Eventually, you will experience the benefits of your efforts, your body gets stronger, you have more energy, or you are less emotionally reactive.
You have a positive association with waking up early and exercising, which is how you maintain the habit. How will you feel when you imagine your day without the run or journaling time?
Trust the process of keeping your promise to yourself and shut down the volume of the inner critic who tells you you're wasting your time and should be further by now. You are always one micro choice away from living by design rather than default.
Success leaves clues.
If you're unsure how to start a new positive habit, look at what's already working in your life and replicate the formula.
If you attend a regular class, exercise, read, journal or do something consistently, start to dissect it.
For me, it's my morning exercise practice. What makes it easy for me to do it consistently?
· It has a dedicated time slot in my calendar which is non-negotiable at 5 am. You don't have to get up at 5 am, but I know this is the only time it can exist in my calendar.
· I have clarity – I know exactly what I'm training in each session.
· I make it fun – I pair my training with listening to an audiobook, podcast or a new module of a certification I'm studying.
· I get up whether I feel like it or not. I don't let myself off if I'm not feeling like it. I focus on how I will feel afterwards, and I'm always grateful I followed through.
· I plan– the night before, I make sure my headphones are charged, and my gear is laid out
· I associate it with pleasure because I feel better, I have more energy, and it's a way to challenge my mental and physical strength.
What is it for you? Now, could you follow your blueprint for success? Habits are a one-size-fits-all approach. You know yourself and what will work best for you with your specific circumstances.
If you're a night owl, plan according to your energy and don't get up early in the morning. People often ask me what the best form of exercise is. I respond that the best workout is the one you show up to.
Your habit stays alive because you act on your urges.
Why do we continue to hold onto bad habits even when we know the disadvantages?
Author of The Little Book of Big Change, Amy Johnson, says your habit stays alive because you act on your urges. That is, if you didn't act on your urges, your habit would eventually go away.
If you have committed to no longer drinking wine in the week and when you get home after a stressful day, you may be tempted for a glass. The more attention you pay to the thought, the more urgent it becomes in your mind. This is your 'lizard' brain talking, the more primal survival part of you.
Amy reminds us that "urges are nothing more than thoughts. Those thoughts—brought to life by consciousness—can make your heart and your mind race. Your urges are a brilliant early warning system designed to alert you to the fact that you are using your power of thought against yourself. You are creating stress with your thoughts, and it's time to back off and let your mind restore itself to clarity. The only thing that can ever make you do your habit is acting on the urge (the thought) to do your habit."
In other words, you are not forced to obey your urge to act on your craving, but you can insert a mental pause button, take a breath and decide to ignore it. I'm not saying the urge isn't real or incredibly difficult in the moment, but you always have the choice of how you will respond. This is the most freeing and remarkable insight to habit change.
When you can ignore the thought long enough or distract yourself with something positive, that thought will subside, and the craving will leave you.
It's like a child having a tantrum; if you pander to the child, the tantrum escalates. But if you ignore the child, it realises it's not a successful strategy and quietens down.
You don't break bad habits; you outgrow them.
You can't smash bad habits in one swoop; they are more like a tangled headphone that needs to be unravelled one knot at a time.
To unravel your habits, you must let go of the previous version of yourself and their habits. Perhaps they procrastinated as a form of protection against judgement or a way to create recovery time. You must let them go now to move forward with your new identity.
Your new self is the kind of person who schedules regular breaks so you can recharge throughout the day and no longer require the habit of procrastination.
Your old self relied on wine after a long day to feel more grounded; this updated version of yourself finds comfort in different vehicles like meditation or going to a dance or martial art class to unwind and generate more energy.
Marie Kondo is a Japanese Organising Expert. Her philosophy is that when it comes to decluttering and letting go of items, you should ask yourself, 'does this item spark joy?'. If it sparks joy, then you should keep it.
If it no longer sparks joy, thank it for its service, say goodbye, and donate or throw it away. If there are certain habits that no longer spark joy, you should thank the habit and then say goodbye.
You can even go a level deeper; if the current version of yourself keeps you playing small or holding you back, you should thank them and then let them go.
Bring new updated habits that spark joy, and you will change how you experience your days.
Final thoughts.
You can't think your way to better habits. You must first decide who you want to be and then behave yourself into the person.
If you're unsure where to start, begin with the habit of showing up to yourself by keeping your promises.
When you keep your promises, you create the ultimate habit – choosing yourself.
When you choose yourself for no other reason other than you are worth it, you will generate a level of confidence you never thought possible.
The best news is that you are always one micro-choice away.
Warm wishes,
Lori