8 Questions to Help You Live by Design, Not Default.
What does an ideal average day look like for you?
Not an ideal day but a typical work day, including the extra murals, school drop-offs and family responsibilities.
Interestingly, most people want simple things like waking up half an hour earlier to fit in a self-care activity rather than launching into the day in a reactive mode. The main request I hear from my coaching clients is to cease the endless rushing and aspire to be present, grateful and happy.
An ideal average day is the unhurried life. This does not mean an unmotivated or mediocre life but achieving your goals, creating success on your terms and striving satisfied.
The way to live by design and create days you look forward to is to ask yourself better questions. Here are ten profound questions from the author of Atomic Habits, James Clear:
1. Does the amount of time I'm spending on this justify the result?
In times of stress and overwhelm, common sense isn't always that common. You need to consciously make time to take a bird's eye view and critically assess your actions to avoid leaving your productivity to habit and randomness.
Have a look at your to-do list and be honest with every item. Are you spending hours on reports no one reads? Are you spending time 'perfecting' things when done is better than perfect? Are you spending manual hours capturing and processing data when it can be automated or delegated?
You know what it is. Now imagine what you could do with that extra time and how you could use it to create progress in your life's work, not futile busy work.
2. Do you really need to think more, or is it simply a matter of doing the work?
The most significant stressor about putting off work is the constant looping thought that you should have started. If you're a perfectionist, you may default to analysis paralysis because you fear judgement or not being perfect, which no one is.
Research is another fancy form of procrastination. It gives you a sense of motion that you are dedicating time and energy to the task, but consider that you might be hiding in the research.
What have you been delaying that not starting is eating you up and draining your mental battery? It could be downloading a form, emailing that client, or scheduling a meeting. It could be having the conversation you are avoiding or starting that document.
What is the smallest possible step you can take and do it now! Or at least schedule on your calendar when you will do it so you can stop planning and, instead, begin.
When you create momentum, you create motivation and increase your energy. In the wise words of Seth Godin,
"The challenge, it turns out, isn't in perfecting your ability to know when to start and when to stand by. The challenge is getting into the habit of starting".
In other words, less thinking and more doing.
3. Will this cost me time in the future or save me time in the future?
Before you need to decide on whether or not to commit to something, consider the time it may require. When asked to do a speaking engagement, I must remind myself that it is never the one hour required for the talk.
It's the days of preparation, the travel and any planning meetings with the client. Often these opportunities are incredible time savers because I am exposed to new audiences and can expand my network.
It's not only time for work, but be vigilant on what personal commitments you agree to. Will it cost you time in the evenings or at weekends?
If you're debating delegating work to a team member – remember it may take up some time upfront, but it will save you hours in the future.
4. If someone could only see my actions and not hear my words, what would they say are my priorities?
You can't hide from this question because your intentions are not as strong as your actions. You may intend to improve your health, but where is this scheduled in the calendar?
You may have gone to the next step to schedule your exercise practice, but did you show up or default to work because you checked your emails first?
Your calendar reflects your priorities; if I came and sat next to you and asked you to show me your calendar for the next two weeks, would I get a sense of what matters, what skill you are building and what you are working on? Or is your diary a torrent of online meetings, and your day is driven by your inbox?
Your results reflect your actions; your commitments drive your actions. This is summed up beautifully with this quote from 'Be Your Future Self Now' by author Benjamin Hardy.
"Commitment is a statement of what "is." You can know what you're committed to by your results, not by what you say your commitments are. We are all committed. We are all producing results. The result is proof of a commitment."
5. Are your obligations real or imagined?
How often have you convinced yourself that tasks are urgent when, in reality, they are self-imposed deadlines? Rather than deprive yourself of much-needed recovery time, schedule into your calendar when, where and what you will work on this task to free yourself of this imagined deadline.
You can also ask yourself, 'Are these urgencies mine, or am I bearing the brunt of other people's inability to plan and manage their time?
"Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine." - Bob Carter
6. Is there a better way? Is there a kinder way?
If you consider your average day right now, what prevents you from the day you are experiencing versus the day you would like to have?
Can you wake up earlier to create space to think, plan and reflect? Is there a better way than grinding through your day without a lunch break?
Is there a better way than to fill your weekend with so many arrangements that you feel drained and get hit with Sunday anxiety because you never have time for yourself?
Can you start your day by asking, how can I be kind to myself today? That may mean making time to call a friend or book a class you have been speaking about but feeling too guilty to allow yourself the space to go.
Is there a kinder way to speak to yourself rather than telling yourself you're not enough?
There is always a better and kinder way; the question is, are you willing to adopt the mindset of unconditional friendliness towards yourself and give yourself permission to create days you never want to escape from?
7. What is something that feels productive to you in the moment but usually ends up wasting time and energy?
The Eisenhower Matrix is a brilliant tool for assessing your priorities.
Q3 tasks are not important or urgent; you may feel productive engaging in them but will not experience long-term fulfilment.
Sadly, this is where most people spend their days, and it's often not a conscious choice but the habit of living by default. It feels productive in the moment but doesn't move the needle on your goals.
Instead, aim to spend more time in Q2; these tasks are not urgent but important. It is the quadrant of extreme productivity and will always save you time in the future and prevent endless firefighting.
8. If I keep doing what I am about to do today for the next five years, will I end up with more of what I want or less of what I want?
How you schedule your day is how you live your life. Does your calendar reflect your values? If you value family and friends, are you making the time for social connection?
Is there an alignment between how you want to feel and the related activities? If you want to feel more relaxed, have you allocated time in your calendar for meditation, exercise or time in nature?
I have decided to embark on a new book project, and admittedly, when I reviewed my calendar, the commitment to the book was absent. In my mind, I would fit in writing between coaching and workshops, but I never blocked out dedicated space to make my commitment tangible.
When I sat with this question, I had to take ownership that the book would never be born if I continued with this pattern. My future self would appreciate it if I made time today to begin because there is always something that appears more important.
What is it for you? Can you commit to fifteen minutes a day to focus on your goals? Pick and schedule one new habit so your goals align with your actions.
Every time you put it off, imagine your future self looking at you. Will they be proud you made the hard choice to start, or will they shake their head and plead with you because you'll regret it if you don't?
Final thoughts.
The ultimate question is, 'Am I making time in my diary to reflect, pause and course correct?
Don't read through this list and think about solutions for a minute and continue with your day, but commit to a tiny action you can start doing to live in alignment with your ideal day. Equally, what is one thing you can stop doing to own your days and live by design?
And if you need help figuring out where to begin, don't ask yourself what you want to do today, but what would your future self want you to do today?
Warm wishes,
Lori