6 Questions to Help You Think Differently and Make Better Decisions.
“What you choose to focus on becomes your reality” — Jen Sincero.
Imagine you could call upon the perfect tool to guide your focus and thinking in high pressure and challenging moments. The equivalent of a mental ‘break this in case of emergency’.
The good news is you have such a tool, and it’s available on demand.
It’s a better set of questions.
The wrong question can lead you down the rabbit hole of overwhelm, while the right question at the precise moment can bring clarity and perspective.
Here are six questions I have collected over the years from my favourite thought leaders that you can pull out of your toolkit when you need to change focus:
1. Is this a heck yeah or a no?
Why do you find it so hard to say no? Most of the time, it’s because you focus on the fear of missing out on an opportunity. Despite your better judgement, you gave away your yes too quickly because your calendar was empty at the time, and you figured it sounded like a good idea because you had nothing else going on.
Fast forward to the date in question, and you were forced to turn down an inspiring opportunity because you already committed yourself.
Author Derek Sivers provides the perfect question for these seemingly innocent invitations — “Is this a heck yeah or a no?
If you’re not feeling “Heck yeah, that would be awesome” about something, say no. This simple filter permits you to say no to all future distractions until you finish what you started.
It also is the benchmark on approaching those seemingly innocent invitations when your calendar is free, so you feel like you don’t have a genuine reason to say no.
A heck yeah response means that the invitation in question excites you and creates an internal spark. Anything apart from that excitement, especially if triggered by guilt or fear, should remain a polite no.
2. What would it look like if this were easy?
We are often our own worst enemies and complicate our lives with unnecessary research, analysis paralysis and obsessive thinking.
Entrepreneur and author Tim Ferriss suggest this question when you find overwhelm and anxiety taking over the show — What would it look like if this were easy?
When Reed Hastings and Marc Randolph had the idea for Netflix, they could have gone down the path of boundless research with focus groups and endless spreadsheets to test their concept.
Instead, they mailed a DVD to themselves in the mail to see if it could arrive intact. This is how Netflix was born.
For my 40th this year, I dedicated a blog post to 40 of my favourite quotes. Once I had decided on the quotes, I categorised them by theme, such as time, energy, self-care, etc. The subcategories got quite complicated because I was left with too many in one category and few in others.
I applied the question — what would it look like if it were easy — and simplified the task in minutes. Easy meant writing down the quotes from 1–40 in random order and writing an insight about each quote. You can check out the article here — https://beyondthedress.co.za/blog/forty-quotes-to-celebrate-the-milestone-ofnbsp40.
This question is beneficial when applying it to the self-care activity you may be delaying. Rather than simplify exercise as a walk around your block, you are still wading through endless apps, exercise routines and debating which running shoe will be the best. Just walk around the block!
3. How can I make this more successful than I ever dreamed of and have fun doing it?
The wrong question can shift your state from joy to devastation in a matter of seconds. This state change is often happening under the radar, and you aren’t aware of it.
If your driving question is ‘how am I ever going to accomplish this goal?’, your thoughts will become despondent, and you will experience fear. Personal Development guru Tony Robbins shared this question on a podcast — How can I make this more successful than I ever dreamed of and have fun doing it?
Even if you don’t have the answer, consider how your state will shift from fear to seeing new possibilities.
Even if you face a significant challenge, asking yourself the question, ‘how can I have fun doing it?’ will immediately shift you into a more creative and resourceful space.
You can apply this question to your self-care habits. By asking how to make the run more enjoyable, you could pair it with an audiobook or your favourite show.
4. How can I now appreciate this as a gift?
This is another one of Tony Robbin’s questions, and it is the ultimate tool to move the focus from despair to resilience. Life will happen despite your best planning, and when it does, rather than default to resentment, anger or fear — insert the question — how can I now appreciate this as a gift?
Use this question from insignificant events like a meeting cancelling to a relationship that ended suddenly. In the first case, you received the gift of time. In the second scenario, it may be challenging to find the answer immediately. Still, when you can change your attitude to see the situation as a gift, you will move through the challenge with resilience, faith and hope.
Hindsight always reveals the gift to us, but this could be months down the line. If that relationship never ended, you would never have met this new person, or if you weren’t retrenched, you would never have started this new business.
You can’t always rely on hindsight to give you the meaning to move through the challenging situation with strength. By asking the question — how can I now appreciate this as a gift, you can train your brain to find the positive. Or, even if you cannot find anything positive to focus on, your faith can carry you through it.
5. Am I in the gap or the gain?
“Your future growth and progress are now based on your understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure yourself: against an ideal, which puts you in what I call ‘the GAP,’ and against your starting point, which puts you in ‘the GAIN,’ appreciating all that you’ve accomplished.” — Dan Sullivan.
The inner critic loves to remind you that ‘you should be further by now. You should be richer, fitter, healthier and more accomplished’ than you are. This mindset has a focus on the gap. It will pull you down and move you into a state of lack about what you haven’t achieved.
If your attention is continually focused on what’s missing, your internal motivation will plummet. When you find yourself in this familiar place, ask yourself — am I in the gap or the gain?
The gain is about using yourself as a baseline for comparison. How have I improved from a year ago or even ten years ago? As long as you can see an improvement against your past self, you will focus on the wins and how far you have come.
What is your first thought as you wake up? Is it ‘how am I going to get through today’ or ‘wow, I have so much to be grateful for today’. One thought puts you in the gap for the rest of the day, and one instantly into the gain. Your day doesn’t determine your mood; your mood determines your day.
No matter how much you know this intellectually, you can find yourself in the gap more often than you choose to admit.
“Being in the GAIN is not simply about seeing life on the bright side. Being in the GAIN is about taking every experience life throws at you and transforming it to serve you” — Benjamin Hardy
6. What will it take to…
“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.” Thomas Edison
This is the ultimate ‘break in case of emergency’ question. When you feel stuck, you can apply this to any challenge you face.
· What will it take to find my next client?
· What will it take to meet someone new?
· What will it take to complete this project?
The power of a question like this is that it gets your subconscious mind into overdrive to find the solution.
Sit with the question for a few days and direct your thoughts here when you feel stuck or overwhelmed. Even better, ask yourself this question before bed and let your subconscious work on it while you sleep.
Final thoughts.
Your focus drives your thoughts; your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings produce your state.
Become aware of the habitual questions you ask yourself through your day and ask yourself if they serve you? If not, how can you make these questions your new default:
Is this a heck yeah or a no?
What would it look like if this were easy?
How can I make this more successful than I ever dreamed of and have fun doing it?
How can I now appreciate this as a gift?
Am I in the gap or the gain?
What will it take to…?
Here’s to living in the gain,
Warm wishes
Lori
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