6 Steps to Boost Your Confidence – No Positive Thinking Needed.
Most people think they need to feel confident first to take action on a goal, but the truth is that courage supersedes confidence.
You must take action first and show yourself you can do something to generate confidence. Once you have tangible evidence, you begin to identify yourself as a confident person.
What if you don't have to do something significant to build this confidence capital? What if you could accumulate this resource through everyday actions? Here are some ideas:
Be a proud 'I don't knower'.
Anxiety shows up when you believe you must have all the answers, especially in a leadership role. There is great power in admitting when you don't know something. The fear is that you will be exposed as an imposter, but the reality is that admitting you don't know everything shows your confidence to be vulnerable and authentic.
More credibility can be gained by admitting you don't know something than by coming across as trying too hard when you don't know.
Even with your kids, nothing is more terrifying than coming across as stupid. When the dreaded moment arrives, and they ask you a question that leaves you stumped, ask yourself, 'How can I make this a teachable moment?'
Tell them, 'what a great question; let's research it together'. Then at least, you teach them there is power in vulnerability, and you make yourself more human.
Own your voice.
Have you ever been in a meeting and wanted to share your idea or thoughts and found yourself shrinking back into your chair, fearing sounding silly or being the only person to go against the group?
Confidence is about speaking your truth and understanding the impact on you if you stay silent. Holding back means you are only prepared to show the parts of yourself that you think others need to see.
By not bringing your whole self to the table, you are not being your authentic self which will drain your confidence on many levels.
I am not saying share your thoughts without a filter; always be considerate and respectful of your colleagues but don't shut down a part of yourself because you will never feel whole.
Integrate your wins.
Confidence builds with a stacking of achievements over time. The trick is acknowledging the milestones en route to the big wins, not only the big ones. Most high performers barely acknowledge the significant victories for more than a day for fear of moving into complacency.
If you don't celebrate the milestones en route to the big wins, you will reach your goal and feel like an imposter because you still need to integrate the win into your identity.
It's the inherent knowing that this is who you are now, and you deserve to sit at the table as an equal.
How can you create a ritual to celebrate the small wins? It could be as simply saying, 'well done, I'm proud of you'.
Can you celebrate with family or friends or treat yourself to a spa day?
If acknowledging your wins has been foreign to you, take some time to journal using these prompts:
· What are my wins from the last 90 days?
· What are my desired wins for the next 90 days?
· What would my 20-year-old self say about my achievements?
· What did I believe three months ago that I no longer believe today?
· What do I say no to that I used to say yes to?
· Which things felt essential to me ten years ago that no longer matter to me now?
Read.
There is no more extraordinary habit than reading; it is mobile confidence. Even more than acquiring knowledge and skills through reading, you fast-track other people's experiences and mistakes.
You can discover what takes some people take twenty years to learn in a matter of hours.
"Everybody can read what I read; it is a level playing field." - Warren Buffett.
The trick to mastering the habit of reading is to focus on what you enjoy rather than what you think you should be reading.
Even if it is a topic unrelated to work but ignites you from the inside out, this is how you fill your confidence tank.
Ask questions.
Asking questions creates clarity; the more precise you are on what needs to happen, the more confident you are in approaching it.
Replace assumptions with agreements – ask questions to manage your expectations and others.
What is the actual deadline? What do you need from me? What is the preferred format? What else needs to happen for this to be a success?
Uncertainty breeds anxiety; clarity creates confidence.
Create micro wins.
You can create micro wins even if you are the most unconfident and insecure person. A micro win is the first Lego brick of a creation. It is a ten-minute talk to getting fitter or losing weight.
How do you create a micro-win? Make a promise about what you will do and when; schedule it into the calendar and show up to yourself by taking action.
Confidence is generated by keeping the promises you make to yourself.
If you promise to meditate for ten minutes upon waking up but check your emails instead, you break the agreement with yourself and dent your confidence.
When you keep the promise, even if you do three minutes, but you show up, you are creating evidence that you are the kind of person who can do hard things.
You are showing yourself worthiness and can rely on yourself to follow through. When you stack your micro wins over time, you create a level of confidence capital that can be invested in any situation.
Final thoughts.
You don't have confidence; you generate confidence through actions.
If you stay stuck in your head, thinking about taking action or telling yourself affirmations but not acting, you will move into analysis paralysis.
No matter how small the micro win, you must act to create evidence of courage. It's not always about one grand gesture but small steps over time, including:
· Be a proud 'I don't knower'.
· Own your voice
· Integrate your wins
· Read
· Ask questions
· Create micro wins
You don't have to rely on external validation to give you confidence. You can generate unlimited confidence capital when you keep your promises to yourself because you are worth it.
Here's to the small wins,
Warm wishes,
Lori