Belief Audit: How Your Mental Inventory Shapes Your Life's Trajectory.

We often think we're afraid of not being in control. But what really holds us back is our desperate need for certainty.

Think about it – when life throws us a curveball, it's not really change that scares us. It's stepping into the unknown. That foggy space where we can't predict what happens next.

The funny thing is, we cling to certainty wherever we can find it—even in our painful past. Sometimes, we replay old hurts like a familiar movie because, well, at least we know how it ends. Even worse, we take new situations and automatically assume they'll play out just like before.

It's no surprise that new experiences feel so daunting. We've trained ourselves to choose the familiar over the possibility of something better.

Where certainty shows up strongest, is in our beliefs. What is a belief? It's a thought you are certain to be true.

Most of our beliefs are not ours but inherited from parents, grandparents, and teachers, and we haven't stopped to check in to see if they still hold true or if they ever did.

When I train on resilience and mastering uncertainty, I show a slide with a set of beliefs. As I go through them, I ask the audience to raise their hands when one or more resonates. To date, I have never had a person with their hand down at the end of the slide.

Here are the common beliefs I have collected from my work in training and coaching over the years; let's see what resonates with you:

•       I can only rest if all my work is completed.

•       My self-worth is linked to my work achievements; if I take time for myself, I feel guilty.

•       The only way to be successful is by grinding long hours.

•       I am only worthy when I earn a certain salary, drive a specific car, or hold a certain title.

•       Stillness equals stagnation; I don't have time for a break.

•       Success equals sacrifice – I will lose time with my family.

•       I can't ask for help; I need to solve the problem first.

•       Asking for help means I am placing a burden on others.

•       Vulnerability is weakness.

•       If something good happens, something bad is going to follow.

•       I'm an imposter.

•       Sharing my opinion and speaking up equals pain.

It’s time to conduct a belief audit.

What belief/s resonated with you? How has it shaped the trajectory of the decisions you make?

If you continue with this belief, where will you be in three months or five years?

Unpacking these beliefs.

Let's take the belief that asking for help will place a burden on others. Your intention may be pure in that you are trying to protect this person, but the impact is that you feel alone and overwhelmed.

When you don't ask for help, you create the very thing you wish to avoid: disconnection. Eventually, people may stop offering to see how you are if you always project this superhuman image of always being OK, and resentment starts to build up over time.

What's more disturbing for me is the belief that if something good happens, something bad is on the way. This will create a huge inner conflict because if you genuinely believe this, you will hold back from going for certain goals, or if something wonderful happens, it taints the full enjoyment you can gain from it because, in the back of your mind, you're wondering when the bad part is coming.

It's like walking around your life with the feeling that amid the joy are booby traps you have to avoid. You can never fully immerse yourself in the good because you're constantly looking down, making sure you don't take the wrong step.

What if you could savour whatever good experience is happening and expect it to continue rather than expect the worst?

When something unexpectedly shows up, deal with it then. You should not plan every worst-case scenario and solution in case it happens because, ultimately, it never does, and you waste precious energy.

The only way to success.

One of my clients thought success meant working nonstop. As her family's main provider, she packed her days with endless meetings, never taking a moment to breathe. By the time she made it home to her family, she was completely drained—with nothing left to give except her exhausted leftovers.

When we unpacked this strategy, she said taking time for herself meant she was neglecting her business. I explained that she is the business and that not taking time for herself is neglecting the business.

If she gets sick or burns out, there will be no business, and this will impact not only her family but many others, too.

The penny dropped, and she realised that if she continued on the trajectory of self-forgetting, she would put everything, including herself, at risk.

The underlying belief behind this behaviour is that the only way to succeed is to work hard. If you stop, you risk losing everything.

The irony is that if she didn't stop, she would lose it all.

If this resonates, ask yourself where this belief came from. Was it a parent or grandparent, and does it serve you or sabotage you?

Instead ask yourself, is there a kinder way?

Speaking up equals pain.

John came to me for coaching because he was moving into a more senior leadership role. His manager needed him to be more assertive in expressing himself in meetings and also be able to hold people accountable.

What we discovered is that his fear of sharing his ideas and expressing his opinion was a belief that he created as a young boy. He grew up with his grandmother, who was a very powerful woman. When he spoke back to her and not even in a disrespectful way, she interpreted this as being rude, and he was beaten.

This belief is known as a key decision—speaking up equals pain. It was his survival strategy as a boy, but this belief would not serve any executive in a corporate environment.

To move forward, exposure was the antidote to anxiety. When he felt himself minimising himself in meetings or holding back from sharing his views, he would begin to notice it and then ask a question or share his view.

It felt scary at first, but what he learned is that speaking up equals respect and allows others to truly see you and add your full value. If he continued to sit quietly in meetings, he would lose opportunities to lead and contribute fully.

The solution.

It’s time to reinvent your beliefs. Take a piece of paper and draw two columns: old belief and new belief.

If the old belief is that taking time for myself is selfish, replace it with taking time for myself is an investment.

If the old belief is that stillness equals stagnation, the new belief can be that I am valued for the quality of my thinking, not my busyness.

If the old belief is that your worth is based on what you do, then replace it with the belief that your worth is based on who you are.

Final thoughts.

Over the next month, conduct a belief audit and start to notice what beliefs serve you and sabotage you.

Can you let go of the certainty of the beliefs you have carried for so long to make space for new beliefs?

Changing your beliefs is not changing who you are but allowing yourself to become more of who you are.

Here's to new beliefs,

Warm wishes,

Lori