Own your Headspace: pressing the mental pause button

Take a moment and think back to the last time you did or said something out of anger or frustration. Something that, on reflection, you wish you hadn’t done.Recently, I was meeting a charity organization to assist them with a fundraiser. It took me a long time to get there due to traffic, rain and incomplete directions. When I walked in, my colleague whom I was meeting was walking out. She completely forgot our meeting and was headed home due to feeling ill. The other colleague involved in the meeting, had to leave about 15 minutes earlier to an urgent meeting she had been called to.I had a choice in those few moments; I could either react to the event and shout about not remembering the meeting and wasting my time or I could react to the outcome. What do I want to known for? I chose the latter. In the scheme of things, nothing serious had happened. Yes I lost about thirty minutes in the diary but I realized people get sick and emergencies happen. I walked my client to her car and wished her a speedy recovery. I invited them to my office for the follow-up session. I left with my integrity intact.In our workshops on professional presence, my co-author, Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer and I stress that it’s in those moments that each and every one of us needs to become acutely aware of our internal monitoring system. Think of it as your own personal feedback system, an internal gauge that signals it’s time to pause, breathe and think about what you are about to say or do.Although it is sometimes tempting to let loose, the consequences are rarely beneficial. In fact, throughout my career, I have observed many otherwise talented individuals sabotage their careers and personal lives because of the inability to control their tempers.So, how do we stop ourselves from being at the mercy of our emotions? The best way is to hit the pause button, take a step back, and check in with your internal warning system. That way, you will be able to recognize what is happening and literally breathe and have a dialogue with yourself. Always react to the outcome, never to the event.Then, rather than exploding, you can ask for a time out, and buy yourself the time you need to deal with the challenging situation in a more productive manner. If you are at a loss for words, you can always promise to discuss the issue at another time - after you have had a chance to process what is going on.Like everything else, all self-improvement begins with self-awareness, and handling conflict without losing it is no exception.This is the path to truly Owning your Space!